Wish I Had An Angel
by CenturyChild533
Summary: The Fifth Child arrives ahead of schedule, and a certain bridge tech finds herself being drawn to him without knowing why. KaworuMaya romance. On indefinite hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own _Neon Genesis Evangelion. _The series belongs to Gainax, ADV Films, and Hideaki Anno. Should any of these parties ask, I will remove this story from public viewing. I am not making any profit off of this story.

I also do not own Nightwish or any of their music, a good deal of which appears in this story. Their music has such great fanfiction potential; consider it a compliment, guys.

This Eva story contains divergence from the storyline, sexual humor, sexual situations (most likely), discussions of rape, and bad language. Use your brain; if you don't like it, don't read it, and don't e-mail me because you got offended. Please, I have enough to deal with.

(Note: I say this with good humor. But take the warnings seriously)

To my knowledge, this pairing is previously unheard of. If anyone finds another fic that uses a Kaworu/Maya pairing, e-mail me. I wanna read it 

"Wish I Had An Angel" 

The sound of chirping cicadas was like a clarion that night, splitting the dark, cold silence of Tokyo-3 like rocks on a windowpane. That night, all was calm; the city itself seemed asleep, a slumbering dragon guarding its massive horde. Titanic buildings of stone and steel loomed ominously in the full moon's light, the shimmering glow the only source of brightness. The night was silent, save for the rhythmic chirping of the insects. And suddenly, they stopped. All was quiet and still, until a figure of a young man began moving slowly within the blackness.

The dim light shone off of his light gray hair, casting him into an eerie kind of personal illumination that followed him as he made his way down the presently deserted sidewalk. A similar effect was produced by the silvery effulgence on his red eyes, making them glow like hot rubies, small drops of brilliant crimson upon a black canvas. His footsteps made virtually no sound, as though he were merely gliding along the pavement, floating easily through the night air like a shark through dark waters. He looked upon the older sections of the metropolis with sadness filling his expression, a look of near pity.

The young man's eyes suddenly shot upwards, locking on to an apartment complex. He stared in astonishment, but his features also had a look of grim satisfaction.

"So… there _is _another," he spoke quietly, his soft, pleasant voice echoing slightly, like the sound of a trickling stream, attractive and slightly melodious. "Alas, I must save that meeting for another day."

He moved on to another building and found the remnants of what appeared to be a concert hall. The amphitheater type setting was slightly battered, but in better condition than some of the structures in that part of town. Standing out from the haggard building was a black grand piano that looked brand new, with only a minor layer of fine white dust along its black sheen. Truly, the young man thought, it was a diamond that gave a bit of cheer to the rubble. Smiling at his good fortune, the young man walked to the instrument and lifted the lid, brushing off the dust on its surface. He cracked his knuckles and held his hands over the keys. He then looked out to the horizon, where a thin line of orange was beginning to make itself visible. He smiled brightly, facing the sunrise.

"He should be here in a few hours, I expect," he said. "Funny… I was sent to survey him, and him alone… but I suspect I have much more to do before this is over." He turned back to the piano.

And as the dawn broke, Kaworu Nagisa began to play, both a revelie for the coming day, and a lament for the deeds that he had been sent for.

(000)

Without knowing it, Maya Ibuki awoke the moment that Kaworu's fingers met the keys. She sat up and stretched, emitting a mighty roaring yawn before climbing out of bed, turning off the alarm before it had a chance to unleash its horrible beeping wrath. Checking the digits, she realized that she did not have to be at work for another four hours. Normally, she would have used this extra time to sleep, but instead she managed to drag herself to the bathroom, preparing a shower. _Might as well get started early, _she thought to herself somewhat gloomily, disrobing languidly and stepping under the stream of hot water. _I'm not gonna be getting any more sleep, that's for sure._

It had been a long week for the technician. Between moving the important programs of the computer systems to NERV's secondary command center, analyzing the data from the Fourteenth Angel, and the salvage of Shinji Ikari, it had been a very, VERY long week, and didn't leave Maya much time for sleeping.

But the event weighing the hardest on Maya's mind was the dream she had had last night. The surreal images were still somewhat fresh, though Maya doubted very much that she would forget them any time soon. She could remember them all in great detail, but her thoughts were centered on one image in particular. She saw a young man, who was facing away from her, a tousled mop of gray, spiky hair blowing in the wind. He turned to face her, and she saw a pair of bright red eyes, standing out from the cold monotones of the hallucination, burning like hot embers. As he turned to face her, an enormous pair of white-feathered wings sprouted from his back.

"Don't worry, Maya," he said, in a soft voice that felt like a warm blanket to the now confused and frightened woman. "I'll protect you."

And with that, the vision had faded.

Despite the hot torrent of water pouring down upon her body, Maya shivered. The young man's words had been comforting to her, in a deep sense that she did not fully understand. She didn't know him or recognize him, but Maya felt something familiar and friendly about him. And despite their unnatural color, his eyes had held a kind of ethereal beauty that she could not deny.

Maya shook her head. _I'm getting too worked up over a stupid dream, _she thought reproachfully as she stepped out of the shower, reaching for the towel and drying herself off. _Dreams are only dreams. Nothing more, nothing less._

Still, this did little to comfort her, as the image of the gray-haired boy lingered on in her mind, along with the nagging feeling that he was more than just a dream.

(000)

Kaworu stared up at the sky with a satisfied expression on his face. He had been playing on the piano since sunrise, and his fingers were now beginning to tire. The red-eyed youth was fixated on the small wisps of clouds that were now floating over the city, and he smiled as he realized what time it was. Sitting up from his position on the piano bench, he looked off into the distance where he saw a boy sitting on a rock nearby. Kaworu smiled still brighter, as he knew the face without having ever met him: Shinji Ikari, the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01. Kaworu had read countless reports about him before he had been sent here, and had been most anxious to meet him since he had read his files.

The Angel part of him knew that the mission came first, but the human in him (or at least, the part he assumed was human) begged him to speak with the boy. Not merely for the purposes of the mission and his superiors, but to have someone to talk to. A friend was something Kaworu might need later on, and something that he knew Shinji needed right this minute.

Kaworu straightened himself at the piano and began playing a soft tune, one he had been hearing since he was born. He only hoped that the song would catch Shinji's attention; Kaworu's weakness for theatrics was something he had been told would get him into trouble, but at this moment he was not particularly concerned. The song floated gently out of the piano's open maw and across the morning breeze, reaching Shinji's ears and catching his attention promptly. Kaworu smiled at his accomplishment and continued playing the simple melody.

Kaworu could see Shinji making his way over to the amphitheater and up the steps of the stage towards the piano, and he finished up his playing, turning to meet Shinji's eyes. Contrary to what he had thought, Shinji was not surprised much by his eye color. _It must be the other, _Kaworu thought, intrigued. _My counterpart. _

"I've been waiting to meet you for a long time, Shinji Ikari," he said.

The boy's eyes widened. "How do you know my name?"

"I know you by reputation of course. Not to be rude, but you seem to be in the dark about how well known you are."

Shinji blinked confusedly for a second. "What do you mean?"

"You are the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01, are you not?" Kaworu asked, a bit amazed that the boy didn't fully realize just how well known he was.

Shinji nodded. "Oh, yeah, yeah I am. And who are you?"

"My name is Kaworu. Kaworu Nagisa, the Fifth Child."

The young Ikari's eyes widened. "The-the Fifth? Another Eva pilot?"

Kaworu shrugged noncommittally. "Only a reserve, but I've been sent just in case something happens." He reclined slightly. "What brings you to this part of the city, Shinji?"

"Nothing, really. I'm just wandering."

Kaworu could sense that Shinji was keeping something from him, but he did not press the issue, guessing that if he did, Shinji was likely to retreat. He needed to gain his trust, so he decided to tread lightly around the Shinji for the time being. "So, where are you headed to after this?"

"I was thinking I might head home, actually. I haven't slept in a while, I could use it."

Kaworu nodded. "Alright. I'm staying in the NERV barracks, so we'll see each other soon. Feel free to stop by any time."

Shinji nodded halfheartedly. "Alright."

"It was nice meeting you, Shinji." Kaworu waved, and began heading towards NERV Central.

Shinji, meanwhile, watched Kaworu for a distance as he walked away, and then turned, heading to Misato's apartment.

(000)

Maya walked in the doors of NERV Central and headed towards the bridge, the tired expression still lingering on her normally cheerful face. _I should have the day off after what happened, _she thought to herself. _But I guess we have more work than ever, now that we've only got three Angels left. _She trudged the hallways with a definite sulk in her stride, the product of a lack of sleep, enthusiasm, or caffeine. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot, and a slight frown hung off of her attractive features. _God, I feel horrible._

She could see someone passing her, but didn't really register it until she noticed his appearance. His gray hair shone in the overly bright lights of the hallway as he passed by her, his eyes closed. "Good morning," he said in a cheery voice that nearly made Maya swoon, had she not known better. She could see that he was about Shinji's age, so he must be fifteen or sixteen, compared to her own age of twenty-four. For a fleeting moment, Maya wished she could turn back the clock.

"Good-good morning," she stammered, somewhat embarrassed at the train of thought she was following. The young man turned to her and smiled, his eyes fluttering open dreamily. Maya gasped.

They were red.

Images of the dream she had had flashed through her mind as she gazed into the boy's crimson eyes, becoming lost easily in them. She snapped herself out of the trance long enough to blush, stammer an excuse, and leave.

Kaworu smiled even further as he turned and continued on his way to his bunk to prepare for the synchronization test he had later on that day. _Intriguing, _he thought to himself. _Perhaps I shall investigate this one further. _His goals had forbid him to get too attached to the people here, but something about that woman had peaked his interests. Looking up, Kaworu realized he was in front of his bunk now, and opened the door, collapsing onto the small bed. It had been a long trip, and he wanted to get a nap in before his test. _It's not as though it will require much effort on my part, anyway._

With that, he drifted off to sleep almost immediately, letting his imagination wander to the woman with short brown hair. He wondered who she was, and when he would get to meet her again.

(000)

His answer came not ten minutes later, when the radar unit at NERV began pinging violently, signaling that an attacker had been located. Strolling onto the bridge, not feeling particularly concerned, Kaworu looked up at the monitors, which depicted the image of the newcomer: an elegant looking Angel, a pair of brilliant wings spread to a great span, the reflecting light giving them an air of radiant beauty, but also a haze of cold fear to any who looked. Except Kaworu, who knew that the attacker would have been there.

_Arael, how good of you to join us, _he thought to himself. _You'll be finished soon enough. _

Looking around, he noticed a few of the technicians working diligently at their stations, gathering data, preparing the Evangelions for combat, and other such jobs. Glancing to his right, he caught sight of the brown-haired woman he had run into in the hallway, and he smiled despite the situation. Abruptly, a door to his left hissed open, and a woman with purple hair walked onto the bridge.

_Major Misato Katsuragi, _Kaworu thought amusedly. _Her pictures in her file do not do her justice, _he thought, fighting to suppress the chuckle rising in his chest. Instead, he merely stared at the screens, pretending to be paying attention to them, while he was truly just waiting for the action to start.

The purple-haired woman looked at him. "Who's this? What are you doing here?" she asked in an accusatory tone that would have most men cringing. Kaworu, however, let the words slide off of him and looked her in the eyes, causing her to recoil slightly as she noticed their scarlet hue.

Before he could speak, however, a voice came from behind Misato. "Major, this is Kaworu Nagisa, the Fifth Child."

Glancing over Misato's shoulder, Kaworu stared into the cold, deadened eyes of Gendo Ikari. The young man knew who Gendo was, and his significance in the big picture that most of the people working here didn't even know existed. His eyes narrowed for a moment, before he smiled. "Hello Commander."

Gendo did little more than grunt at the Fifth Child's greeting, turning back to Misato. "Pilot Nagisa has clearance to be here, Major."

Misato shrunk back a bit, then saluted. "Yes sir. Sorry sir."

Again, Gendo grunted a reply that no one understood, and made his way up to the command chair. Misato looked at Kaworu. "Sorry about that. The whole Angel attack has me a bit on edge."

Kaworu inclined his head slightly. "No apologies needed, Major. I understand. So, what's the situation?" In reality, he already knew the situation; everything had been foretold in the Scrolls, which he had memorized before age six. But he had to appear normal to them, for the most part.

"This one's going to be Asuka's job to take down. She's being moved into position to see if we can blast this thing out of the sky." She smiled. "If anyone can do it, it's Asuka."

"Good luck to her, then," Kaworu replied, a smile playing its way across his ethereal features. But the smile was more of dismal acceptance than of actual hope.

In the end, Kaworu knew that luck had nothing to do with it.

(000)

Asuka stood in the rain, hating the position she was being put in. She was having extreme difficulty concentrating, a film of sweat already making itself present on her brow as she fought for control within Unit 02, just trying to keep the massive positron rifle aloft. She looked into the visor on the helmet she was wearing, trying to get a bead on the Angel that floated leisurely miles above the surface. She cursed as she lost the contact again, having maintained it only a second or less.

"Shit! I can't focus on the damn thing!"

Misato's voice came over the intercom. "Come on, Asuka! You have to try!"

Asuka grumbled something under her breath in German, and tried again. This time, she managed to maintain a constant lock on the airborne Angel, the targeting reticule blinking and turning red. She reached for the trigger, but was enveloped in a shower of bright white light that came from the sky, blinding her completely. Then she felt something.

The Angel was in her brain.

(000)

Kaworu, standing on the bridge, watched with mute interest as Asuka's psychograph went completely insane, the technicians freaked out, and Misato started shouting very loudly "What's going on?"

Through the mayhem, there were only three on the bridge who maintained their composure. Gendo and Fuyutsuki watched silently, their eyes narrowed on the scene. And the gray-haired young man also watched silently, his smile fading despite his knowledge of this event's importance.

_It is still a sad thing to witness, _he reasoned, as Unit 02 began firing the rifle wildly, the spherical bolts of energy putting massive dents in the structures of the city. The red titan dropped its rifle and collapsed, clutching it's head. He could hear Asuka's screams over the commotion on the bridge. "It's raping my mind!"

Kaworu's eyes became solemn, and he lowered his head in a gesture of respect for the now raving Second Child. _Such a horror is one that I have trouble imagining. But it must be done, for the greater good._

He heard a whimper in front of him, and opening his eyes, he saw the brown-haired woman from earlier, crying. Kaworu heard the voice of Ritsuko Akagi, the head scientist, scream out in frustration. "Maya! What are you doing?"

Kaworu did not wait for the woman to answer. He made his way over to her console, and without thinking, placed a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. She looked up at him, her chocolate brown eyes staring up at him, a mingled look of surprise and relief on her visage, her eyes clouded with tears.

As he touched her shoulder, Kaworu was flooded with thoughts, feelings that he knew were coming from her memories. He attempted to stop the majority of them, but one in particular stood out. He only heard one word, but it was enough to cause his eyes to widen and his skin to pale even further than it normally was.

_"Stop…"_

Kaworu released her, and stared down into her eyes again, trying to regain his composure from what he had just witnessed. "Here, let me."

Not even bothering to question, Maya slid her chair out of the way and Kaworu took a look at the console. He began typing furiously, faster than Maya had seen anyone type, even Dr. Akagi. It also struck her as odd that he knew how to work the computer systems. But seeing as no one said anything, she deduced that he must be a member of NERV. Finally, he typed in something, and Unit 02 went silent.

One of the other bridge techs reported, "Nerve connections in Unit 02 stabilizing, Asuka's psychograph is returning to normal."

"Rei," Kaworu heard Gendo say in his usual authoritative monotone, "get the Lance."

Kaworu almost choked on his tongue. _The Lance? Ikari would dare use the Lance of Longinus without the council's approval? _He thought hard on this, frowning slightly. _You have nerve, I give you that. But you are foolish._

He snapped out of his reverie as the bridge tech he had helped placed a hand on his arm, which was still resting limply on the console. He looked at her perplexedly for a moment, then realized that he was still leaning over her shoulder. Turning about, feeling slightly embarrassed at having lingered, Kaworu noticed that she was smiling gently at him.

"Thank you," she said in an almost hoarse whisper.

"You're welcome."

Kaworu heard the lifts activating, and he turned his attention to the view screens, where he saw the blue cycloptic form of Unit 00 being hoisted up onto street level, a massive object clutched in its grip.

"Longinus…" said Kaworu out loud, though Maya was the only one who heard him. The weapon was a brilliant red, the same color as Kaworu's eyes, and was coiled in a helix shape, ending in two wicked looking points. Inside the Eva, he felt the same presence he had sensed upon his arrival from within the apartment complex.

(000)

Inside the Evangelion, Rei Ayanami took a deep breath as she prepared for the command to throw the Lance. She heard Gendo's voice over the intercom, speaking in his powerful uniform tone. "Remember, Rei. You only have one chance here. You must not fail."

"I won't," she replied placidly, gripping the weapon still tighter as she took a stance, preparing to cast the spear.

For an instant, though, she almost faltered as she sensed something within NERV. Deep below her, she could feel a presence that seemed familiar, though she did not know why. A brief image flickered through her thoughts: a pair of red eyes, just like hers, that disappeared as quickly as it had come, surprising the pilot. She shook it off, and locked onto the target again. Rei heard the countdown reach zero, and threw.

The Lance contorted as it flew, straightening out and tearing through the sky, pulling the cloud layer apart and casting the sun's harsh light on the gloomy cityscape. The Lance impacted the Angel's AT field, and pierced through it in a green flash, funneling the Angel's body along its length like water going down a sink drain. And in a flash, Arael was gone and the Lance disappeared beyond view.

Once she was assured that the target was destroyed, Rei began moving back to the catapult, and the Eva was lowered back into the cages. But as she felt the familiar jolt of the restraints and the feeling of falling, she could not help but feel apprehensive of what she would find awaiting her when she arrived.

(000)

A few hours after the retrieval of Unit 02, Kaworu went for a walk, trying to block out the images that he had seen in Maya's mind. Things that no one should have seen, and he had been flooded by them in a mere instant.

"The images were disjointed," he mused aloud, not really knowing whom he was talking to, "but to infiltrate my mind like that, she must have been feeling very strongly." He came to a halt as he noticed two shapes off in the distance. Kaworu could recognize Shinji and the Second Child, Asuka Langley Sohryu, having some kind of argument. He caught minor bits of the conversation, but was not paying too much attention.

"It seems as though the Second's resolve is wavering," he stated to himself. "Things are going much faster than I had anticipated."

Silently, so as not to attract their attention, he made his way back into NERV's belly, walking towards his bunk, having nowhere else to go, really. As he did, he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. Kaworu turned around and stared into a pair of shimmering brown eyes that belonged to the bridge tech from the earlier incident.

"Hello," he said cheerfully, and smiled brightly at her, attempting to alleviate the tension he could feel in the air.

"H-Hello," she stammered, confirming Kaworu's assessment that she was nervous. "Listen, I-I wanted to thank you for what you did today."

"Oh, it's no problem," he replied casually. "Are you alright?"

Blushing, the woman looked at her feet. "Yes, yes I'm fine now. It's just… that brought back a lot of bad memories. It's hard to get past."

Kaworu nodded. "I see. Well, I'm glad you're alright, Miss Ibuki."

The woman looked at him strangely. "How did you know my name?"

"I'm psychic."

Her eyes widened. He pointed to her uniform shirt. "And besides," he added, "You're wearing a nametag."

She looked. Sure enough, she had forgotten that she was wearing her ID badge. "Oh."

Kaworu chuckled. "Well, it would be terribly rude if I didn't introduce myself. I'm Kaworu Nagisa. It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Ibuki."

"Kaworu..." she said in an odd kind of musing tone. "Wait – you're the Fifth Child, aren't you?"

"Yes. I was sent ahead of schedule, though I daresay it's good timing that I was."

Maya nodded solemnly, not really wanting to think about Asuka and the Fifteenth anymore. Sensing this, Kaworu continued.

"Well, I suppose I'll see you in about an hour or so, right? I have a synchronization test then."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. And here I was getting my hopes up that I wouldn't have to come back tonight."

Kaworu looked intently into her eyes, sporting a concerned smile and a look of near omniscience. "Are you sure you're alright, Miss Ibuki?"

Maya shifted under his gaze uncomfortably. "I'm- I'm fine. Just… earlier shook me up a bit, I guess."

Kaworu nodded towards the doorway. "Well, we do have an hour or so before we need to be back. Would you like to talk about it?"

"I… don't think I can."

He nodded. "I understand. Well, if you need me, I'm easy to find, you know."

Maya looked at him. "Thanks, Kaworu."

"Well, I'm going to go out for a while. I'll see you in an hour then, Miss Ibuki."

"Do me a favor. Call me Maya; Miss Ibuki makes me feel old." She chuckled slightly, feeling the atmosphere clear up considerably.

Kaworu nodded, a small, quiet laugh passing through his lips. "Alright then, Maya," he said, testing the name out. He was surprised how easily it came, as though he was supposed to use it. "Goodbye for now."

Maya waved as he walked towards the doorway. "Goodbye, Kaworu."

He walked backwards out of the doorway, allowing it to seal shut in front of him as he returned the bridge tech's wave. Once it did, he turned around again and strolled down the hallway. It had been a long day, he knew, but one with a great deal of importance.

His role at NERV had begun, and he was already gaining the people's trust.

But despite the fact that he knew the necessity of these actions, he could not help but feel guilty about keeping up this pretense for Maya. _Her soul is pure, it seems a great sin to lie to one such as she, _he mused, the carefree smile fading from his face as he walked up the escalator that lead to the exit on the upper floor. Kaworu sighed heavily, trying to force the guilt from him, but failing horribly. He stopped, and glanced over his shoulder, meeting a pair of red eyes nearly identical to his own. Kaworu did not have to guess as to whom they belonged to.

"Rei Ayanami," he declared in his almost musical voice.

The girl looked at him oddly, trying to hide her surprise behind her usual vacant expression. "Who are you?" she inquired immediately.

Kaworu ignored her, for the moment. "We have a lot in common, you and I, Ayanami."

"What do you mean?"

"Surely you've noticed that familiarity between us?" he said, sauntering towards her, causing the blue-haired girl to recoil slightly. "That kind of presence that can only be felt by our kind, from our kind?" He knew he had no idea what he was talking about, but toying with her mind for the moment was his primary aim. All would be revealed in time.

"I do not know what you are talking about. And you still have not told me your name."

Kaworu looked at her critically for a moment, then turned around. He glanced over his shoulder, and said, "You'll find out more about me later, Ayanami. Count on it."

(000)

Ritsuko Akagi was not happy at the moment. After the whole fiasco with the Fifteenth Angel, she had been subjected to an enormous amount of paperwork involving the Fifth Child, who she had been told arrived ahead of schedule. As soon as the mound of forms was finished, she had had to run to the Cages, where a synchronization test on the Children was supposed to take place.

Add this to lack of sleep, caffeine, and nicotine, and Ritsuko was a force to be reckoned with.

She turned around in her chair as she heard the mechanical whir of the door sliding open, and Maya strolled into the room, taking her usual seat next to Ritsuko. The bridge tech, Ritsuko noticed, was not her normal self. Maya was usually alert and attentive when it came to synch tests, but the brown haired woman looked just as disheveled as Ritsuko herself. As she slumped into the chair, Maya's head came to rest on the tabletop.

Ritsuko looked at her for a moment before placing a hand on her shoulder, shaking her gently. "Maya? Maya, wake up, we've got work to do."

Slowly, Maya raised her head and faced Ritsuko. "Oh, alright Dr. Akagi."

"Maya, are you alright? No offense, but you look like shit."

"I know, I feel like it, too. I'm sorry, I'll make it through the test."

Ritsuko frowned slightly, but nodded. "Okay, if you're sure."

They checked the monitors, deciding to get down to business as quickly as possible. Shinji and Rei were already inside the simulation plugs, and Kaworu entered soon after them.

"Alright," said Ritsuko, taking charge, "Shinji, Rei, you two know the drill about these tests. Kaworu, I guess I should give you a rundown on the specifics of the…"

"There is no need, Dr. Akagi," he interjected, and then smiled. "I know how to operate this system."

Ritsuko shrugged. "Okay then. Everyone, give it a try."

There was a pause as the pilots began reaching out to the system, allowing their minds to open and the presence of the Eva to flood them. Maya and Ritsuko checked over the readings, and both stopped and stared in astonishment at the Fifth Child's readings.

Ritsuko stammered, "He-He can _change it_?"

(000)

Inside his simulation plug, Kaworu could sense the diminutive soul of the unit he was inside. Stretching out his energies, he could feel the connection between them begin to fluctuate, his control over the essence of the being ebbing like the tides.

_Obey me…_

The core of the synchronization plug began to falter, and Kaworu felt its resolve break almost entirely.

_That should give them a bit of a shock, I expect._

(000)

Inside the control booth, the two scientists continued to stare at the screen as the number 99.7 flashed up on Kaworu's portion of the monitor. Maya and Ritsuko looked at each other, as if to decipher whether or not they were seeing the same thing. Once it had been confirmed that they had, Ritsuko reached for the microphone.

"Okay everyone, good work. Kaworu, I want you back here tomorrow at the same time for another test."

Kaworu nodded. "Yes ma'am."

"You all are dismissed."

The yellow cylinders hissed open and the three pilots stepped out onto the catwalk, the metal making a dull pounding noise under their feet as they headed towards the showers. Kaworu was about to talk to Shinji but thought better of it, deciding that the Third Child most likely wanted his privacy at the moment. Respecting this, Kaworu maintained silence as they entered the shower room.

_I hope he will want to talk later, _Kaworu thought to himself as he undid the lock on his plug suit, allowing the blue and gray garment to fall to the floor. _But for now, he is distressed. Now is not a good time._

(000)

Maya had been running over the data from the synch test for three hours now, per Ritsuko's request, and was now becoming rapidly sick of staring at the same bundles of paper over and over again. Finally, no longer able to stand it, she turned to her superior. "Dr. Akagi, I don't think we're going to find anything new."

Ritsuko looked at Maya, then back at her readouts. Finally, she tossed the clipboard onto an empty table, the clatter echoing a good bit in the nearly abandoned room. "I guess you're right, Maya. I just… I can't shake the feeling that something's not right about the new pilot."

Maya looked at her incredulously. "Kaworu? He seems nice enough, though."

Ritsuko shook her head somewhat sadly, removing her glasses and sliding them into the pocket of her coat. "Appearances and demeanors can be deceiving, you know. You shouldn't instantly trust someone based on a first impression."

"But…I just have a feeling about him."

"Take your time and make observations. Feelings can be wrong, you know."

Maya looked at her feet. "Yes ma'am."

"By the way, when did you actually talk to him? I didn't think anyone had any time to talk to him because of the Angel attack."

"Oh… we met in the hallway, and talked a bit. Not too much, mostly just introductions. Still… there's something about him. Something special."

Ritsuko laughed a bit and glanced at her clipboard. "Oh, there's something special about him alright. If only I could find out what it was."

Maya got the distinct impression that she and Ritsuko were not quite on the same page.

(000)

The sound of bone connecting with metal rang out across the hallway as Asuka slammed her fist into the locker, putting a good size dent in it. She snarled in frustration, most of which was directed at herself.

_Dammit, now they're gonna bring in some stupid fucktard rookie to replace me! _She sat down on the bench and slammed the door on her locker shut. _I don't believe it. What's wrong with me? I've been going downhill since Matsushiro…_

The German girl shook her head, not wanting to remember her defeat at the hands of Eva Unit 03. _Four seconds; that's all the time it took to beat me. _The Angel possessed Evangelion had started the Second Child's losing streak, which had only gotten worse when the Fourteenth Angel tore its way into NERV Central, decapitating her Eva in one smooth stroke. _And now this… they'll revoke my pilot status for sure. _

Sighing, the girl collected her belongings and left the room, heading to the right and towards the exit. She noticed someone standing at the window, staring out at the Geofront's landscape, and the skyscrapers of Tokyo-3 jutting from the ceiling, just beginning to rise up and into the city above. As he turned, Asuka recognized his face: the Fifth Child, the one they'd sent to take her place. The orange light from the Geofront outside reflected off of his unusually pale skin and gray hair, casting him into a strange auburn radiance. His red eyes met hers and a chill ran down her spine, a sense of foreboding coming over her.

"Hello, Sohryu," he said in a pleasant voice, a half-smile on his face that Asuka found somewhat offensive. Here she was, about to lose her pilot status to him, and he was trying to make pleasant conversation!

"Shut up, Fifth," she spat in a tone reeking of venom.

Kaworu looked at her with a slight air of indignation. "My name is Kaworu Nagisa, Sohryu. I would appreciate it if you would use my name rather than my title." He said this respectfully, not wishing to seek a confrontation with the incensed girl.

"I'll call you whatever the hell I feel like! Now you listen and you listen good, Nagisa," she said, sticking her finger at him accusingly.

"I've worked my ass off for years trying to keep this job I've got. I'm an Eva pilot through and through, and I am _not _about to lose my pilot status to some goddamn lucky rookie like you! Understand?"

Kaworu looked ate her for a moment, considering his words for a moment before speaking. "I'm not trying to take your job from you, Sohryu. I am only doing what I am told, just as you are."

Asuka fumed. "How is it that you can be so polite about this? My life is about to go down the tubes because of you, and all you can say is 'I'm only doing what I'm told'? You arrogant bastard!"

Kaworu raised his hands defensively. "I do not mean to offend. I'm only trying to…"

"SHUT UP!" the Second Child screamed, throwing her fist in the direction of Kaworu's face. The young man caught it, and her eyes widened.

"I do not wish to fight with you, but if continue this, I will have no choice but to defend myself."

Asuka responded by throwing another punch with her other fist, which was again intercepted.

"Very well then."

Kaworu squeezed his hand, and Asuka felt the strain on the bones in her right hand begin to increase, ending with a sickening pop as several of her bones shattered. She screamed, and Kaworu let go of her hands. Asuka recoiled, stepping away from the Fifth Child as quickly as she could, staring at him in astonishment.

"I'm sorry, but I did warn you," he said. "Now let us set a few things straight." He moved forward until he was mere inches away from her face. "I did not come here to replace you, Sohryu. Not fully, anyway. My time here is short. I have a job to do, and I intend to do it. And if you stand in my way again…" He stared into her blue eyes, fiercely gazing into her soul.

"… I will kill you."

Asuka looked at him, astounded.

"Of course," he went on, "I do not wish to resort to that. But I am under orders to accomplish my mission by any means necessary."

"What mission?" asked the genuinely bewildered Second Child.

Kaworu smiled. "That will all be revealed in time. For now, though, I am simply to pilot, if I am needed. So do not fear for your job."

Asuka glared at him menacingly, shooting daggers at him through her azure eyes. She didn't say anything, however, until she began to leave. "I've got my eye on you, Nagisa. Mark my words, any funny business, and I'll have you out of here in a second."

Kaworu smiled. "You have such confidence, Sohryu. It is one of your more admirable qualities. But do not allow that to cloud your better judgment."

Without another word, Asuka left the room, and Kaworu turned and stared out at the Geofront again, marveling at the beauty of the encased civilization, a kind of oasis from the turmoil above.

_Even this kind of place is no longer sacred, _he thought sadly, thinking about those who risked their lives daily, just by living in the city. _No place is safe now._

Kaworu heard the door at the opposite end of the room open, and he looked up, smiling as he met Maya's eyes. "Hello, Maya."

Maya waved at him, ambling over to stand beside him. "Hello Kaworu. It's a good thing I saw you. I'm supposed to tell you about a synch test tomorrow, same time as today."

He nodded. "Alright, I will be here."

Maya nodded, following his gaze out of the window, but secretly taking a peek at his reflection, not wanting to look at him directly. His expression was unusually serene, and gave Maya a sense of comfort, like he was a friend she had known for a long time. "Listen, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted earlier," she said, turning to face him. "It's just that… what happened to me was something I don't like to talk about normally."

Kaworu nodded. "There's no need to apologize. We all have memories that are best left forgotten, and experiences that are best left unspoken."

She nodded. "Thanks for understanding."

They lapsed into a silence as they both continued to stare out of the window. After a few moments, Kaworu turned to face her. "Do you know of any good places to eat in this city?"

Maya looked at him. "Why do you ask?"

"I am still unfamiliar with Tokyo-3, and I am beginning to grow hungry. As such, I do not know where to go."

"Well," Maya said, "there's a good restaurant a couple of blocks away. Kind of pricey, though."

He waved his hand dismissively. "That won't be a problem. Also, I was wondering if you would consider accompanying me?"

Maya flushed. "W-well, I don't know. It seems kind of…" she paused.

"Inappropriate?" Kaworu finished. She nodded, and he chuckled. "I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just wish to know more about you. If you do not wish to go, then I understand."

Maya looked at him for a moment, biting her lip a little. On the one hand, she was hungry, and dinner was always better with company. But she was somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of having dinner with someone of Kaworu's age, so much younger than herself. She considered this for a moment, and eventually discarded the inhibition. _After all, it's not like I'm doing anything indecent, _she reasoned, _it's just dinner between coworkers._

"Sure, I'd be happy to," she said. Kaworu smiled, and hopped off of the window ledge. She noticed that he was a bit tall for a fifteen year old, but didn't think too much on it at the moment. They began walking to the exit, and Kaworu could not help but let his mind wander to what had happened earlier, on the bridge.

_She has been hurt before, _he pondered silently, stealing a glance at his companion. _I must be sure to treat her well. _

Leaving thoughts of his mission behind, Kaworu led Maya outside and down the crowded streets, silently wishing that he had worn a suit.

Author's Notes: And thus begins the weirdness! Hopefully you all enjoyed the first installment of "Wish I Had An Angel." I'm planning on there being at least three more chapters, give or take, depending on how much content I can get out of the story. Rest assured, though, that the pairing will go through its share of ups and downs, and I'll try and make them as interesting as possible. Divergence from the storyline is now inevitable.

First of all, I'd like to thank the people who reviewed my other Eva story, "Storm of Flower Petals/Hanabira no Arashi." You guys kept me going through a rough patch, as far as my writing goes. Many thanks for your kind words! I feel loved 

Also, I'd like to thank my prereader, That Other Guy. Check out his work, it's good stuff and I promise you won't regret it!

Also, to anyone who has read the sixth Harry Potter book, please check out my Harry Potter story entitled "Ever Dream." Please? I'm begging someone to read it.

Signing off for now,

Century Child


	2. Temper the Wounded Soul

Disclaimer: I do not own _Neon Genesis Evangelion _or any other copyrighted materials that are mentioned in this story. Evangelion is property of Gainax, ADV Films, and Hideaki Anno. Should any of these companies ask, I will remove this story from public viewing.

A big "thank you" to the people who reviewed the first chapter, and gave me the support to keep this one going. Hopefully, I can make this one work.

Note: this chapter contains discussions of rape. If this offends or disturbs you, don't read.

"Wish I Had An Angel" 

**Chapter 2: Temper the Wounded Soul**

The heavy oak door swung open, the smells of all varieties of food cooking beginning to waft leisurely into Kaworu and Maya's senses. A string quartet had just begun playing in the back corner, enhancing the already pleasurable atmosphere. Had he been alone, Kaworu might have taken a further moment to enjoy the tune, but he had company. _She is already uncomfortable enough as it is, _he thought to himself. _I do not with to make her even more so._

A balding man in a very nice suit looked at the pair, fixing his disdainful gaze on Kaworu. "Can I help you… sir?" He said 'sir' with a note of hesitation, even near disgust, as though he were unsure whether the gray-haired youth was worthy of such respect.

To Maya's great surprise (and relief), Kaworu disregarded the unspoken insult. "Yes," he replied casually and politely, "I'd like to request a table."

The man's look of revulsion intensified severely. "Young sir, are you quite sure that you…"

"Yes," Kaworu interrupted, handing the man a small, white, rectangular object. "Yes I am."

The man scanned the surface of the object, his eyes widening almost fearfully. "Oh, umm… my sincere apologies, Mr. Nagisa. I meant no offense, I can assure you."

Maya stifled a laugh at the man's sudden reversal. Kaworu smiled. "That is quite alright," he answered, not even the slightest hint of anger or resentment in his tone.

The maitre d' handed him the white object and said, "I will show you to a table as soon as one is available." With that, the man bowed quickly and scuttled away.

Maya returned her attention to her companion. "What in the world did you give him?"

Kaworu handed her the object he had shown the maitre d'. It was his NERV identification card. "I believe he realized that a table in a restaurant in a small price to pay to those who are responsible for this world's fate," Kaworu said, staring at where the older man had retreated to.

Maya took this opportunity to look at the ID card she had been handed. The photo of Kaworu was a good one in her opinion, the usual endearing smile he had on his face, staring out at the person looking at the image almost lovingly. She felt herself start to blush for some reason, then realized how long she had been looking at the picture. Kaworu did not seem to notice her, as he seemed occupied taking in the atmosphere of the establishment.

The maitre d' returned, and said, "Your table is ready, Mr. Nagisa," then began leading the pair through the restaurant. Looking around, Maya noticed several of the patrons glancing in their direction, then returning to their meals without so much as a second thought. The bridge tech felt slightly self-conscious for a moment, but shrugged the feeling off. _It's probably because I'm coming to a place like this with a fifteen year-old, _she reasoned mentally, comfortable with her assumption.

Kaworu, meanwhile, had come to roughly the same conclusion. _This is merely a dinner between coworkers, _he thought somewhat bitterly, surprising himself with his agitation. _I understand Maya's hesitance, but these people… _he trailed off, realizing that they had arrive at the table. Kaworu, assuming his most gentlemanly manner, pulled Maya's chair away from the table for her. She thanked him, blushing slightly, and took a seat while Kaworu took his own at the opposite end of the small wooden table.

As the waiter left their menus, Maya looked across the table to Kaworu. "You know," she said awkwardly, fumbling for a way to start a conversation, "I'm starting to wish I'd worn something nicer than this uniform."

Kaworu chuckled slightly, looking at his own choice of attire: an orange shirt worn under a white-button up, black pants, and a pair of white tennis shoes. "Yes, I see what you mean. But you should not worry so much. Your job is one of the greatest importance; it is something to be proud of." He smiled to reaffirm his point.

Maya nodded. "I suppose you're right." She picked up her menu and began scanning through it. She then noticed Kaworu pointing at several things and giving a slight shake of his head. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I am finding the items with meat in them. I do not eat meat."

"You're a vegetarian? I didn't know that." She looked guiltily at the steak dish she had been considering.

"In a way," he responded. "I do not eat meat simple because I dislike it. I do not consider others eating meat to be offensive, however, so there is no need for you to inhibit your choices on my account."

Maya nodded, and went back to scouring the menu.

When the waiter returned, Kaworu chose a dish of fettuccini alfredo, and Maya, foregoing the steak, chose a dish of spaghetti and marinara sauce. The waiter wrote down their choices, assured them that their order would be ready shortly, and then left.

Kaworu looked at Maya after the waiter had gone, trying his hardest to come up with something worth saying. Finally, he settled on, "So, tell me about yourself, Maya." He was careful about his tone, wanting to be conversational and not invasive.

"Well," she began awkwardly, trying to find a good place to begin, "I actually haven't lived in this city very long; I transferred in from Osaka two years ago, before the Angels returned. Up until my transfer, I'd lived there my whole life. Luckily, the city was still mostly intact after the Second Impact."

Kaworu nodded, taking all of the information in with fascination. "And you came here two years ago, you say?"

"Yes, it was my mother's idea, mostly. I was going to stay in Osaka and get a job at a software company. Once the job offer from the UN came, my mom really wanted me to take it. I'm not exactly sure why; I've never known her to really care about the government."

"Perhaps she merely wished for you to learn self-reliance," Kaworu offered, his tone not one of being condescending, but one of understanding.

"I had to do that anyway," Maya replied. "After my father left, I was the only one around for mom. I didn't like it much, I was looking for any excuse to get out on my own. Maybe she understood that, I don't know."

"I see. That must have been hard for both of you."

"Not so much for me, to be honest. I don't remember my dad very well; he was hardly ever around."

Kaworu nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry."

She shook her hand dismissively. "Don't be. It's all behind me now." As she said this, Maya was amazed at how easy it was to talk to Kaworu. _He doesn't act like someone his age. He seems… older than he should. _Continuing, she asked him, "What about you? What did you do before you came to NERV?"

Kaworu was not caught off guard by the inquiry; his superiors had prepared a story for him that was an intricate mixture of truth, lies, and ambiguity. "Well, I was born on the day of Second Impact; my mother was taken in the disaster. I have been looking for my father, since I never actually met him, having been raised by another…" he paused, searching for an appropriate term, "…family, I suppose they could be called. Once I was chosen as a pilot they sent me here on my own. So for the moment, I'm here until things are resolved."

Kaworu smiled, pleased with the effectiveness of the fabrication. True, some of the parts of the story held some truth; his mother, Lillith, had indeed disappeared on the day of Second Impact, he had been sent to NERV to find his father Adam, and he was supposed to stay until the Final Messenger's time of arrival. This last event was the most important part of his mission because he _was _the Final Messenger, Tabris, the Seventeenth Angel.

But despite the effectiveness of his falsehoods, Kaworu against felt a stabbing pang of degradation with himself for lying to Maya. _Would it be any different if it were anyone else? _he pondered, contemplating exactly why he was having this reaction to the bridge tech.

"Wow," she whispered. "You've had it pretty rough, huh?"

Kaworu shrugged, the carefree smile returning to his face. "I try not to think of it as such. I am still alive, after all. I find that reason enough to hope."

A silence lapsed between them, and it was during this break in the conversation that their meals arrived. The waiter left, and they ate in silence for a couple of minutes before Maya looked at Kaworu again. "I've noticed something about you."

The young man looked up suddenly, a noodle trailing from his mouth before it disappeared quickly behind his lips. "What did you notice?" he asked, looking at her intently.

"You seem to act like an adult more than most people your age."

Looking at her somewhat perplexedly, Kaworu asked, "How so?"

"Well, it's like you said just now about being alive giving you a reason to hope. Most fifteen-year olds wouldn't make a judgment like that. I don't know, it just seemed for a moment that you were beyond your years."

Kaworu fought the urge to laugh out loud at the accuracy of her statement. "In a way, yes, I suppose I am."

"It's kind of odd," Maya went on, "but that kind of quality is both good and bad."

Kaworu nodded, smiling knowingly. "I believe I see where you are going with this,"

"You do?"

"I think so. You believe that such maturity is good because life has changed so much, and the younger generation has adapted to fit the circumstances."

"Right…" Maya said, almost begging him to go on.

"But by the same token, you believe that the younger generation is growing up too fast, and that adulthood is being thrust upon them before their time," he concluded, leaning forward and linking his hands together. Maya was briefly reminded of Commander Ikari, but Kaworu's warm, friendly visage shattered the illusion. "Am I right?" he asked in a knowing voice.

"Yes, that's it exactly!" Maya exclaimed excitedly. "How did you know all of that?"

"Because I feel exactly the same way. It is indeed a shame to see innocence lost so early in life," Kaworu said gravely.

"That's why sometimes… I wonder if I'm doing the right thing with my job. We put children into situations that I don't think even most adults… no, anyone could handle. That's why I wonder if you're right… is my job really something to be proud of?"

The young man was surprised, though pleasantly, that Maya was being this open with him. _Well, at the very least she is comfortable talking to me, _he thought.

"That would depend upon your point of view, I suppose," he said, taking a sip of water before continuing. "It is true, I suppose, that the purpose of NERV is one that destroys innocence. Blissful ignorance of the dark side of the world is one thing that makes youth so enjoyable. And it is also true that NERV destroys that.

But by the same token… what are we working toward by doing these things? The salvation of humanity is our goal. And if you believe that the ends justify the means, then sacrificing a few to save many is a necessary evil. I do not necessarily agree with this form of logic, but I understand it. And often, I find that comprehension is far more important than acceptance."

Maya, while dumbfounded by this profound statement, was coming to expect such wisdom from the Fifth Child. "That actually makes a lot of sense."

Kaworu looked mildly pleased with himself. "Yes, I like to think so."

She laughed a little at that, and Kaworu found his smile widening. His choice to get to know her was turning out quite nicely. Glancing out the window, he could see that the sky's hues of orange and yellow were beginning to shift to indigoes and violets; night was beginning to fall, but Kaworu was in no hurry to leave. The lull in the conversation gave them time to finish their meals. The conversations were not as deep or insightful as the others, but the pair still found them highly enjoyable.

Maya glanced at her watch, finally resigning herself to the hour. "It's getting late, I should probably be getting back home."

Kaworu glanced at the wall clock. "Yes, I see. How are you getting back?"

"I'm just going to take the train," she replied.

For a moment, Kaworu debated the idea of her walking home alone. He eventually decided that his presence was not necessary for the entire journey. "Would you like me to accompany you to the station?"

Maya was no more comfortable than Kaworu was with her walking home by herself.

"Yes, I'd like that."

Kaworu smiled, paying the bill (he had insisted upon it), and thanking the waiter as they passed. Kaworu also smiled and thanked the maitre d', who stammered a hasty and fearful reply, causing Maya to erupt into a fit of giggling. Kaworu held the door open for Maya as they left, and he risked a glance at her as she passed him. If it was possible, the sparse light made her even more attractive.

_Yes, _Kaworu thought to himself as he closed the door behind Maya, _it has been a most enjoyable evening._

( 0 0 0 )

Meanwhile, something unusual was happening at the Katsuragi residence.

Absolutely nothing.

Generally, the household was filled with any number of sounds, ranging from arguing to the very rare civilized conversation. But as Pen-Pen looked around the corner from the hallway, all he saw was the three other occupants sitting around the tables and finishing their meal quietly. Asuka stood up abruptly.

"I'm done," she announced, less than a second before the phone rang.

"Can you get that, Asuka?" Misato asked, her voice carrying a sort of metallic echo due to the beer can in front of her face.

"Why bother?" the redhead questioned with a tone of venom. "It's probably Kaji calling for _you_, anyway." She said the word 'you' with an accusatory note in her voice.

Misato's face was grave as she replied, "That's not likely."

Shinji simply walked over to the phone and picked it up, trying to ignore Asuka's comment about "the Invincible Shinji." Though he would never show it, her verbal barbs cut him deeply. No, he would let it cut him, trying to ignore his pain as he always did. He handed her the phone.

"It's a call from Germany for you. It's your mother."

Asuka looked at him strangely for a moment, snatching the receiver from his grasp. She began speaking in rapid German to the person on the other end, and Shinji found himself watching her longingly. For a long time, Shinji had felt a connection to the girl that he could not fully explain. At first he had thought that he loved her, but how could that be? She had never shown him anything but contempt, calling him names and reminding him of his weakness. And yet there was no other explanation for the feeling.

For an hour he watched her talk happily. _She seems like a different person when she speaks another language, _he mused, pulling out of his reverie as Asuka hung the phone up. "You talked for a long time," he said, trying to sound casual.

"Yeah, it was just a checkup, a regular report."

"I wish I could remember my mother. I don't even remember her face," Shinji said without thinking through his statement.

"Well, this is just a façade anyway. She's not my real mother."

"Oh," Shinji replied somewhat lamely.

"It's not like I hate her or anything," Asuka went on, "we just don't see eye to eye, that's all." Without warning, Asuka reverted back to her normal guarded self. "Why in the hell am I telling _you _this, anyway!"

Shinji stared at her, about to apologize before he realized that he had no reason to. "You were the one who told me, don't get angry with me because of something _you _did!" he screamed back at the Second Child.

Spurred on by the emotion she had finally managed to evoke in the boy, Asuka continued screaming. "You wouldn't understand anyway, idiot!"

"How can I understand if you won't tell me anything?"

Asuka's breath caught in her lungs. "What did you say?"

Shinji lifted his head, an expression of confused fury burning behind his cobalt blue eyes as he stared into Asuka's cerulean ones. "How can I understand… if you're always so guarded?" Shinji was no longer shouting; his voice was now calm, shaking uncontrollably. "I want to understand, but you shut yourself out," he went on, walking towards Asuka and forcing her backwards, "and then you get angry because I don't understand you?"

"Get-get away from me," Asuka commanded, now beginning to sound slightly fearful.

"No. Not until you open up and tell me what's wrong. I want to help…"

"Help me?" Asuka responded in sickened confusion. "_You, _help _me_! I don't need your help! I hate you! _I hate you!_" she screamed in a roar of unadulterated fury.

"I don't have you, Asuka," Shinji said, staring at the floor as he said so. "I can't."

Asuka stared at him in bewilderment. "What are you saying, Shinji?"

His eyes met hers again, and Asuka saw something in them. He was trying to tell her something, she knew. Then it all clicked; why he wanted to understand her, why he wouldn't give up, and why he didn't hate her for the way she treated him.

It frightened her.

"Get away," Asuka stammered, her voice quivering with fear.

"Asuka, I…"

"_NO!" _she screamed, running from the room and slamming the door of her room shut behind her.

Shinji stared at the door for a moment before he began to hear soft sobs coming from behind it. "All I wanted was to help her, and all I did was cause her more pain. Is that all I'm good for?" And then, Shinji Ikari did the only thing he could do.

He collapsed on the floor, and he wept silently.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu awoke to a sound akin to breaking glass, though the intense pain he sensed made it clear to him that this was far from destruction on a physical level. "Ikari," Kaworu murmured, the young man's sobbing face filling his mind's eye. He felt a great pain in his chest and he fell backwards against the pillows.

"Ikari," he wheezed, "your hearts is fragile now, like glass. But glass can become stronger. Will you break, Ikari? Or will you brace yourself for the coming storm?"

The initial shock subsided and Kaworu found himself able to breathe normally again. Looking up at the ceiling, his mind wandered to Shinji once more. "It seems we share a connection, Shinji, that I do not fully understand," he said aloud to the darkness, more for his own benefit than anything. "I should have taken a chance to speak with you. It seems that you are in need of a friend now more than ever." Kaworu smiled.

"I think I may have been born to meet you."

Suddenly, the images changed to those of Maya.

"Or was I?"

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu awoke the next morning to the gentle hum of the cooling unit above his head as it started up, blowing a gentle flow of air across his face. He looked out of the window, orange sunlight filtering through the portal and illuminating the room. Kaworu looked at the clock; it was Sunday, and this brought Kaworu both a sense of relief and one of foreboding. His only obligation this day would be fulfilled early, and the remainder of the day was free. Kaworu tossed himself over the edge of the bed, pulling one of his customary outfits out of the footlocker and dressing quickly, and then exiting his barracks.

Strolling down the hallways and heading for the exit, Kaworu's mind began to wander to the previous evening and his dinner with Maya. He wanted to see her again outside of NERV, but was hesitant to ask her, not wanting the woman to think him a bother. _Be patient, _he told himself. _Perhaps good things will come in time. _

Kaworu slid his ID card through the reader, the massive steel door hissed open, and he began heading towards the train leading out of the Geofront. A smile played across his lip as he remembered the encounter with the maitre d' and the sound of Maya's cheerful laugh. He could get used to that sound, he decided. Kaworu boarded the train, taking a seat on the empty conveyance as it began moving along its tracks out of the spherical expanse of the Geofront.

Kaworu knew that the meeting he was headed to was one of the utmost importance. He was well aware of his purpose, but he now also had personal obligations to attend to. He no longer had a desire to become close to these people simply because of his orders; he now did it simply because he wanted to. But Kaworu's superiors, he knew, would not take kindly to the idea of him straying from his mission. As long as he had them convinced of his dedication, the rest was simply a matter of keeping up appearances.

The train came to a jittery stop and the doors opened, then Kaworu made his way off. He turned towards the older sections of the city, tracing a familiar route to the prearranged meeting place. _At least I can meet them out in the open air, _he thought gratefully as he made his way to the abandoned concert hall. _I do so hate being enclosed in that dark room of theirs._

The young man stepped onto the stage, standing next to the grand piano. He knew that the others would arrive soon. Sure enough, after only a few minutes of waiting, the telltale rush of air signaled his superiors' entrance.

"Tabris."

Kaworu raised his head, staring into the flat, obsidian face of the monolith labeled SEELE 01. He knew who was behind its face. "Hello, Chairman."

"Progress report," Keel said in his usual businesslike tone.

"The mission is going well. The people have already accepted me into their midst. There are no problems."

Another monolith materialized. "Very good," came the garbled voice of SEELE 03, "but we know that there is more to the story."

Kaworu glanced in his direction. "What do you mean?"

SEELE 07 spoke from behind him. "We know of your rendezvous with the bridge technician, Ibuki." More monoliths appeared, until Kaworu was surrounded by the towering black holograms.

"Such distractions cannot be tolerated, Tabris."

Kaworu shook his head. "You misunderstand. The Sixteenth Messenger has not yet appeared, and until that time I must collect information from the people at NERV. Research. Nothing more than that, I assure you."

SEELE 05 came to his defense, much to his relief. "It is true, we need all the information about NERV we can get. Ikari's plans have deviated far too much for us to allow his workings to go unseen."

"But it is also true that you were sent to thwart Ikari," SEELE 09 said. "To switch sides in this game means death."

Kaworu looked at him fiercely, trying his best to sound offended. "You would dare question my loyalty?"

"It is necessary," said Keel. "Ikari has betrayed us before. We cannot afford to let it happen again."

"Don't worry," Kaworu said. "When the time is right, I _shall _strike."

SEELE 08 spoke. "Until then, you must follow your current course of action; a change would only arouse the suspicions of your targets."

Kaworu nodded. "Indeed."

"We shall leave you to your task, then." Eleven of the monoliths disappeared, but Chairman Keel remained.

"Do not get too close, Tabris." And with that final comment, the last monolith vanished, leaving Kaworu standing on an empty stage.

Since his conversation with Maya, Kaworu had begun to question his purpose. He had never known any form of innocence; all of his childhood had been stripped away before he had lived very long. But if he were to forsake that purpose, what would he have left? Right now, he would have nothing. But what if he got close, then what would he have at least a chance at?

Everything he'd ever dreamed of.

As his gaze drifted, Kaworu could see Shinji sitting amongst the ruins, just as he had been when Kaworu first arrived. Smiling at his good fortune, Kaworu walked over to where Shinji was and sat down next to the black-haired boy, who had a set of earphones tucked into his ears.

"Hello, Shinji," Kaworu said, offering up a pleasant smile.

Shinji met Kaworu's eyes, but didn't return the smile. "Hi."

Kaworu looked at the tape player in Shinji's hands. "What are you listening to?"

"Vivaldi," Shinji said, "it's what I listen to when I'm in a pretty bad mood."

"Is it making you feel any better now?"

Shinji paused. "Not really."

Kaworu paused, wondering for a moment if it would be appropriate to question further, and eventually opting to ask. "What is the matter, my friend?"

Shinji looked at him, and the expression on his face almost broke Kaworu's heart. "Did you ever… I mean… have you ever cared deeply about someone, but they didn't feel the same way?"

After a moment's hesitation, Kaworu replied, "Once, a long time ago." It was a lie, of course; Kaworu had never really known the true nature of love at all. But he knew that Shinji needed an understanding companion, and he also knew that the young Ikari was unlikely to open up for anyone else. Kaworu would have to play that role, for the time being.

"That's how I feel right now," Shinji went on. "I tried to tell Asuka how I felt, and all I did was mess things up."

"I understand," Kaworu replied. "But I am… inexperienced in dealing with emotion. I'm afraid I can offer little help."

Shinji chuckled. "You and Rei really are alike."

"But I do know some things," Kaworu interjected. "The heart is like glass, Shinji; it is very easy to break, and very hard to put back together. Your heart is a fragile one, my friend. You have been hurt before."

Shinji nodded, mildly wondering how Kaworu knew that.

"But you must not allow one defeat to destroy you completely, Shinji. You must make the heart and soul stronger, rather than allowing them to be broken. And you must do this not only for yourself, but the ones you love, as well."

Shinji smiled, and Kaworu did as well. Kaworu then resolved to take his own advice to heart, and temper the wounded souls of those around him. With Kaworu's help, he believed he could make them as strong as steel.

"Thanks, Kaworu," Shinji said.

"Anytime."

The conversation continued, and as it did, Kaworu wondered how he could mend the soul of Maya Ibuki.

( 0 0 0 )

Maya looked at her alarm clock, happy for once to notice the blinking digits reading 12:02 PM. Five hours earlier, she had been forced to remind herself that she did not need to wake up at such an ungodly hour, for it was her day off. But the first few hours of her slumber had been anything but restful; she had once again been plagued by the surreal and somewhat frightening dream of Kaworu. Once again, it was the same message, promising to protect her, and the same gentle smile.

But in her five hours of additional sleep, the dream had been replaced by images of their dinner the previous day. She remembered the soothing voice he talked with, and the warm expression in his eyes that reminded her of an old lover, long forgotten. She knew, though, that such thoughts were foolish; she barely knew him, and a nine-year age difference was not exactly an easily surmountable obstacle. Maya wondered, despite all these things, how Kaworu thought of her.

Maya slunk out of bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and shuffled into the kitchen. She found herself still thinking of the gray-haired pilot as she pried the freezer open, surveying its contents. _Cut it out, _she scolded herself. _Sure I like him, but not like that._

Somehow, she couldn't ignore the mocking voice in her head asking, _or do you?_

Maya stopped. "Oh, to hell with it," she swore, reaching for the Ben and Jerry's.

( 0 0 0 )

Misato had awoken in much the same fashion as Maya, with the addition of a massive hangover, making the start of her morning considerably less pleasant. Snatching a beer out of the fridge and opening it with one hand, the purple-haired woman took a seat and all but inhaled half of the can's contents. Misato let out a raucous explosion of sound, also known as the "I Just Had Another Beer" yell, causing the occupants of the apartment three doors down to promptly shit their pants. To Misato's amazement, however, the occupants of her own apartment did not stir; even Pen-Pen remained unaffected. Confused by the lack of activity, Misato cracked open the door to Shinji room and almost shit _her _pants.

The room was empty.

Misato ran to the door of Asuka room and threw it open. "Where did Shinji go!" she screamed frantically.

The sight that met Misato's eyes was not a pretty one. Asuka's room was in shambles; clothes, trash, and other items were strewn all over the room, and Asuka was sitting in the middle of the devastation. She looked somewhat pale and sickly, bags under her eyes and her hair in disarray. She looked like she hadn't slept at all the night before.

"A-Asuka?" Misato stammered, looking at the redhead in confusion.

The German girl stared up at Misato, her eyes deadened and hollow looking. "He'll be back, Misato… he just… went for a walk."

"O-Okay," said Misato, understanding that she was talking about Shinji. "You… don't sound happy about it."

Asuka only replied with two words.

"Too… close…"

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu stood on the bridge, his one obligation taken care of, and trying to think of a way to spend the rest of his day. He had spent an hour talking to Shinji, and it had been most beneficial for the both of them. Kaworu opinion of Shinji had begun to change slightly, though he still knew that the young man's heart was frail. _Damaged, _he thought, _Ikari has been damaged. The events of the Fifteenth, and Asuka's rejection of him have caused him a great pain. _Kaworu sighed. _She fears he is becoming too close to her; her heart is guarded, more strongly and fiercely than Shinji's._

To his mild surprise, his cell phone rang. He answered it and heard Ritsuko's voice on the other end of the line. "Kaworu, I need you to suit up and report to the testing bay. We need to do another synchronization test."

"Yes ma'am. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Sorry about this. This should be the last one for a while."

"It is no problem, Dr. Akagi. I will be there momentarily."

She hung up the phone, and Kaworu began walking to the changing rooms. The synch test would give him something to do to occupy his time, at the very least; synchronization was child's play for him, after all. But it did take some time away from what he would rather be doing.

Kaworu wondered what Maya was doing…

( 0 0 0 )

Maya sat in front of the TV, staring halfheartedly at the soap opera that was playing, barely maintaining her interest. She knew it was crazy, but on her day off she was left with very little to do. It frustrated her, knowing that her single day of freedom was going to be ruined by this, but she was simply out of ideas. Some part of Maya's brain was urging her to call Kaworu, and she had successfully ignored it until now. However, Maya suspected, and rightly so, that he might be otherwise occupied, so she decided to withhold from calling at the moment.

_Besides, _she asked herself, _what would I talk about?_

_You could just ask him to meet you somewhere, _the small voice mental voice answered.

Ideas began swirling about in her mind, and thirty minutes later, Maya dialed his number.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu had been lying on the bench in the changing rooms for several minutes now, having completed the synchronization test in record time. He was surprised to hear his cell phone ring for the second time that day, and he retrieved the object from his pocket, wondering who was calling him. Pressing the receive button on his phone, he said "Hello?"

He was even more surprised to hear Maya's voice from the other end of the line. "Hi, Kaworu?"

"Oh, hello, Maya," he said pleasantly. "How are you?'

"I'm fine, other than the fact that it's my day off of work and I've got nothing to do."

"Yes, I see. Quite the predicament."

Maya defiantly swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. "So… are you doing anything right now?"

"No, I just finished a synch test about ten minutes ago. Other than that, I am in much the same situation as you."

"Would you… like to go somewhere?"

Kaworu's heart leapt at the opportunity. "Of course. Where should I go to meet you?"

"If you're still at NERV, I can pick you up. I had an idea of where we could go, there's something really cool I want to show you."

"Sounds… perfect," Kaworu said wistfully. "I'll go out to the front gate. Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," Maya replied mysteriously. Kaworu almost shuddered.

"Alright then. I'll go outside."

They said their goodbyes, and Kaworu slipped his phone back into his pocket, smiling so wide that it was a wonder of physics that the top of his head didn't fall off.

_I was right. Good things did come in time. _

With that, he began heading for the train to take him up to the surface, wondering what Maya had in mind.

( 0 0 0 )

After waiting for only a few minutes, Maya's car pulled up, and Kaworu entered the vehicle, slightly apprehensive despite himself. He knew he had no real reason to be nervous, but he was inexplicably edgy. Kaworu could also sense that Maya shared his feelings of anxiety, and this caused the young man to worry slightly.

"So," Maya said conversationally as the car pulled out into the street, "have you been as bored as I am today?"

"Yes, for the most part," Kaworu replied. "I had one thing I had to take care of, and then I was called in for a synchronization test. Other than that, I have had nothing to do. What about you?"

"Oh, I slept in, watched TV, then called you."

"Ah, I see."

Silence loomed for a few moments, before Maya spoke up again. "I forgot to thank you for dinner yesterday. It was wonderful."

"It was my pleasure." Kaworu smiled, and to his great amusement, Maya blushed. "So where are we going?" he asked.

"It's a surprise," answered Maya, the conspiratorial tone in her voice. "But I promise you'll like it. It's a place where I go every once in a while, when I need to get away from everything."

Kaworu looked out of the car's window and at the buildings of the city, the lights beginning to come on in the streets, the sun setting in the distance. The golden light was reflecting merrily off of the mirrored surfaces of the skyscrapers, and Kaworu noticed that Maya's intent was to leave the city entirely. They turned onto a road that lead into the nearby mountains, and eventually came to a stop at an extension of the road that overlooked the entire massive landscape of Tokyo-3. Maya turned the ignition off, and she and Kaworu stepped out of the car, walking over to the railway.

"Like I said, I come here when I need to think, or just when I need to get away from it all," she said, leaning against the rails. "I came here after the Thirteenth Angel, and again after the Fourteenth. If I hadn't gone out with you yesterday, I'd have been up here then, too."

"It sounds as though a lot of things are weighing on your mind," Kaworu offered, knowing that he was right, but wanting Maya to have the benefit of admitting it to herself.

"Yeah," she said with a sigh, looking out onto the city, the sunset's brilliant radiance making the city appear as though carved from solid gold. The sun finally set at last over the horizon, casting the mountain into darkness, the only illumination coming from the distant towers below. Kaworu looked out onto the city, mildly wondering how Shinji was faring, now that he must have returned home.

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji knocked on the door despite the blatant warning that Asuka had written on the attached whiteboard. It read, "Disturb me, and I'll kill you!" Shinji slid the door open a crack, finding Asuka lying down on her futon, and he could tell that she was feigning sleep. "Asuka? I know you're awake." This elicited no response from the girl, but he continued speaking undeterred.

"I'm sorry, Asuka. I didn't mean to… do whatever I did last night. I'm just concerned for you, that's all."

Finally, he heard her reply, "Don't be sorry, idiot. I can make it on my own." Shinji did not fail to notice that she did not call him an idiot with the usual luster her voice had when she was insulting him.

"But that's just the thing," he said. "No one should have to manage on their own. That's why I'm here. I care about you… I love you." It took every ounce of his courage to say those three words, and the tension made it feel as though his chest were about to burst.

Asuka looked up at him, her face betraying no emotion that Shinji was able to discern. "You… love me? How could you? How do you know me well enough to love me? No one knows me that closely, and I like it that way."

"I'd like to," Shinji said pleadingly. "Please… let me try…"

"I can't," she said. "All anyone ever does is hurt me. I'm sick of pain."

"So am I!" Shinji cried desperately, the tears flowing from his eyes despite his efforts to quell them. "We could help each other, couldn't we?"

"I very much doubt it." With that, she turned, falling onto the futon once again.

Shinji collapsed onto the floor. "Why? Why can't I help anyone?"

She offered him no reply.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu chanced a look at Maya, her brown eyes glinting in the white luminescence radiating from the city below them. Had it not been for the glow, he probably never would have noticed the single tear drifting down her cheek.

"Is something wrong, Maya?" he said, concern in every syllable he uttered.

Maya turned to face him. "You know… since yesterday, I feel closer to you than anyone. I don't usually get close to people. I've had… bad experiences."

The images from when he had touched her shoulder during the Angel attack reappeared in his mind. "Bad experiences?" He hesitated to say anything, but went ahead. "What do you mean?"

Maya sighed, shifting her gaze over to the city and the shoreline beyond it. "Do you remember what Asuka screamed during the Angel attack?"

"I doubt I shall ever forget it."

"Well… when she said that the Angel was raping her mind, it just brought back a bad memory from a long time ago."

Kaworu placed a hand on her shoulder, and was surprised when he felt her own hand grasp his. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her. "Sometimes, that can help things."

She looked into his eyes and smiled, and Kaworu felt his cheeks flare up the tiniest bit. Her thumb caressed the back of his hand slightly. "You know," said Maya, "for some reason… I feel like I can talk to you."

Kaworu nodded his head. "You can, if you want to. I'll listen."

Maya sighed, another tear drifting down her cheek as she once again gazed over to the city. "It was a long time ago, when I was in college. I was at a party with a few friends of mine, and through the course of the night… I got a bit drunk." Kaworu could sense the shame in her voice as she told him this. Maya went on.

"Somehow, my friends ended up someplace else, and I was sitting in the living room by myself, and this guy came up to me. I don't even remember his name now, but we started talking, and then we ended up dancing. He was so sweet, funny, charming…" Maya trailed off, holding back a sob. "And then…he asked me to…"

Kaworu didn't need to be told the rest. Her reaction, and the rest of what she had told him was enough for the young man to put the whole picture together. "It's alright. You don't have to tell me the rest."

Maya finally broke down and wept, tightening her grip on Kaworu's hand as she did so. Kaworu said nothing, and knew that he did not need to; his mere presence was enough of a comfort. After a few moments, Maya looked at him. "You're… the only person I've ever told."

Kaworu did not really know what to say about that, but he did his best to sound comforting. "That's… horrible. It is hard to believe that humans are capable of such unforgivable cruelty."

Maya was shocked by the harsh tone his voice carried. "Un-unforgivable?"

Kaworu's eyes glimmered. "For what he has done, he is worthy of the strictest judgment. By the system of beliefs I hold… he is worthy of death."

Maya, while stunned at Kaworu's stern assessment, was comforted by his sympathy. "Thanks for listening. I feel a lot better. It still hurts though. I haven't had a relationship since then."

"It is understandable. When humans feel pain, it is natural for them to retreat inward, and to lose contact, or to flee from it to avoid pain."

Maya smiled. "Yeah… but you can't run forever. If you did, who knows what you'd miss out on?" The expression in her eyes was unreadable, and Kaworu only nodded in reply.

Maya leaned toward him again. "Thank you," she said, gently pressing her lips to his cheek. Kaworu's eyes widened, and his slight blush intensified to pure crimson, accented by his pale skin. "Would you mind if we just… stayed here for a while?" Maya asked him. "I don't think I want to go just yet."

Kaworu smiled. "Of course." He placed his hand on her opposite shoulder, and she instinctively rested her head on his chest.

_She has been truthful with me, _Kaworu said, _even though it pained her greatly. _He could feel her heartache as clear as he felt his own, however rare it was. Lately, the feeling had become more common. What was it that he felt? Sympathy? Compassion? Maybe even love? _How long must I continue to lie?_ He resolved to tell her the truth, in good time. Now was not right. She needed comfort now, not the startling revelation that was contained in his true nature and origins.

They remained on the overlook for more than an hour before either of them spoke again; Maya was the first to break the peaceful calm that had settled. "Could we… do this again sometime? I like this feeling." Kaworu could feel the heat of her blush through his shirt. He could sense her apprehension with the idea of intimacy, especially someone his age. But Kaworu was not bothered; as far as he was concerned, age difference was the least of his worries.

"I would enjoy that," he said. Maya smiled.

Kaworu knew that this would not be easy. There were many hurdles that needed to be cleared if he was to make this work. But something awoke in Kaworu's heart in that moment, something that had lain dormant for years, suppressed by his surroundings and the people around him. Kaworu tried to place the sensation, and came to the only conclusion he could.

_Love, _he thought. _This is… what it feels like. It must be._

But how could he be sure? There was no way of knowing.

For both their sakes… he had to find out.

Author's Notes: And thus, the second chapter ends! Thanks again to everyone who left a review for the first chapter. With any luck, you weren't disappointed by this installment.

My basic goals for this chapter were simple: to open up Maya's past, and to mess with Shinji's head. For those of you who noticed that Shinji is having bad times in this fic, brace yourselves… it gets a lot worse later on. My main worry was how to tell Maya's past without her just blurting the whole thing out at once. I might have done that anyway, but I sincerely hope not.

This chapter was preread by That Other Guy. Many thanks to him for putting up with my incessant updates that came EVERY SINGLE BLOODY DAY, and for helping me get the story along the right path with his brilliant ideas and inspiration. Check out his fics, especially _Rain, _and I promise you will not be disappointed!

I have five chapters of this story planned, but Chapter 3 might be a while in coming. It's going to be a songfic chapter, and a long one at that, so please have patience with me. I'm working as fast as I can. : )

Signing off for now,

Century Child 533


	3. Higher Than Hope

Disclaimer: I do not own _Neon Genesis Evangelion, _because it belongs to Gainax, ADV Films, and Hideaki Anno. If they ask, I will remove this story from view and possibly from existence should the need arise. I also do not own Nightwish or anything related to Nightwish except for a couple of CDs. Should they ask, I'm screwed, because the lyrics to the songs are important for the story.

_Wish I Had An Angel_

**Chapter 3: Higher Than Hope**

Shinji Ikari's eyes fluttered open, meeting the almost sheer darkness of the early morning as the events of the previous evening came back to him. _She hates me now, _he thought sullenly, rubbing his eyes and allowing them to adjust to the low light of the room. Shinji banished thoughts of Asuka from his mind as best he could, though the ache he felt in his heart refused to leave entirely. The young man ran a hand through his brown hair, though the shape did not change very much; dressed quickly; and left his room, deciding to start the day early rather than attempting to sleep and going back to fighting his nightmares away.

Shinji slid two pieces of bread into the toaster and began making a pot of tea as he checked the living room clock. He had at least a couple of hours before his roommates awoke, and he would be long gone before then. The door to the second fridge slid open, and Shinji could see Pen-Pen waddle out of the green door, making his way to the beer. Sometimes, the similarities between owner and pet were too eerie for words.

"Morning, Pen-Pen," Shinji greeted the penguin halfheartedly, an almost invisible smile on his face as the bird squawked a reply. "Did you have a good night's rest?" Shinji asked. Pen-Pen replied with a nod and the sharp snap of a beer can being opened.

"I'm glad someone did," Shinji said, laying his head in his arms.

Pen-Pen turned his gaze upon the boy, cocking his head bewilderedly. He tapped his beak against Shinji's knee affectionately and then scampered up the chair opposite from the young man.

Shinji raised his head to look at the penguin. "You know, I realized something last night," he said. "The only person who ever really cared for me… is dead."

The penguin made a befuddled noise, and Shinji kept talking. "My mother… she cared, but no one else seems to. I've made friends since I've been here, but I haven't found anyone who really loves me at all. And then, when I finally find someone who I think I can love and who might learn to love me…" He didn't finish his sentence as his body was wracked by anguished sobs, tears falling from his eyes and dripping gently onto the table. Pen-Pen, sympathetic in his innocence to heartache, patted Shinji's arm gently. The pot on the stove boiled, and the toaster ejected the slices of toast, but Shinji barely noticed.

"Why?" he cried. "Why can't anyone do anything but hurt me?"

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu's eyes found two highly unusual things when he awoke: an absence of light and the roof of a car. Wondering for a moment why he was seeing these things, Kaworu took a moment to survey his surroundings. As he did, he found nothing terribly out of the ordinary except for Maya's sleeping form, latched onto his right arm. It was then that Kaworu fully remembered the events of that night; he remembered everything that Maya had confided to him about her past and the discussions that had followed… and the gentle kiss that she has placed on his cheek. At some point, he reasoned, they must have fallen asleep in the backseat of her car after they had continued talking.

Kaworu looked at the watch that Maya was wearing. It read 4:17, which meant that Kaworu had several hours before school was supposed to start. _It would not do to miss my first day, _Kaworu thought to himself. _But I also cannot simply leave her here, _he thought, looking at Maya's sleeping face. She had a contented smile on her face, and a slight blush tinted her cheeks as she nestled her head in the crook of his arm.

The young man smiled and leaned his head against the door. _School is not important, _he decided. _I do not need to go; I was only planning on attending school because it was the Chairman's wish. He thought it would help me blend in. _He heard Maya mumble something and sensed that she would awaken soon. Kaworu used his free hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, lingering around to stroke her cheek gently. She grumbled unhappily when he removed his hand, which made Kaworu smile. _What is this feeling? I don't understand—this was not supposed to happen._

Kaworu thought for a moment about this strange feeling that was welling up inside of him. He had been feeling this way since the night before, and he understood it about as well now as he had then. Emotions were not part of the plan that he had been given; he would not need them to accomplish his purpose. _No, _he corrected himself, _I will not need them to accomplish _their_purpose. My own purpose… I do not know my own purpose. My own path has been hidden from me. I've lived my life according to their scenario._

Kaworu, as he gazed upon Maya's peaceful expression, made a decision that he would not fully know the consequences of until much later. It changed fate and his own destiny.

_To hell with their scenario._

Kaworu felt satisfied with his choice. _I am the Angel of Free Will. If anyone has the right to a choice, it should be me. _The thought of being in control of his own path excited him greatly and gave the young man a strong sense of hope. Kaworu looked at Maya again. _There are still obstacles, but now they will be much smaller._

His introspection came to an abrupt halt as he felt Maya stir, and her chocolate-brown eyes creaked open drowsily. She yawned, and Kaworu repressed a laugh at the sight. The woman looked at him with an expression that told Kaworu she was having difficulty remembering things.

"K-Kaworu? " Maya said, her eyes beginning to widen. The gray-haired boy's face changed to one of shock. Surely she didn't suspect him of anything indecent!

"W-What am I doing here?" Kaworu could sense a note of panic in her voice that confirmed his suspicions.

Kaworu hushed her quietly. "Calm down. You are in your car, remember?" He refreshed her memory of everything that had occurred, effectively putting any doubts she might have had to rest.

"I'm so sorry," Maya apologized. "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that." In her haste to reconcile with the young man, she had apparently failed to notice that she was still clinging to Kaworu's arm.

"Do not worry," he replied. "I understand that the circumstances appear… awkward," Kaworu said with a chuckle. "But I would _never _do anything to hurt you." He emphasized the word "never," making it blatantly apparent to Maya exactly where he stood on that subject.

Maya smiled. "I know," she said, resting her head on his chest.

Kaworu wondered for a moment why Maya was acting more comfortably around him, and it only took him a few moments of thought to understand. _This is her true self. This must be what she is like without any kind of façade or anything. _Kaworu's heart warmed at the fact that he was so privileged to see this side of Maya. _This is who and what she is: an errant soul, looking for companionship._

_Just like me…_

"Kaworu?" he heard Maya say, her voice hushed and sounding slightly fearful.

"Yes?"

"Please… don't tell anyone about what I told you last night."

Taking a somewhat bold move, Kaworu wrapped his now freed right arm around Maya's shoulders, cradling her gently. "Of course, I will not tell a soul," he assured her. "But thank you for trusting me enough to tell me."

Maya, for her part, did not object to the Fifth Child's hug. In fact, she seemed to welcome the closeness. For what seemed like hours they laid there, content and protected in the others' presence. A thin line of orange appeared on the horizon, the rising sun peeking over infinity's expanse onto the world. Kaworu watched the sunrise for a few moments, basking in the radiance happily, his smile widening.

Breaking the silence, Maya chuckled. "I wonder what the others would say if they saw us together like this?"

Kaworu very briefly wondered whom "the others" applied to, but he dismissed it as unimportant. "I do not know. But does it really matter what anyone else thinks?" he asked, being sure to keep his tone comforting. "It is not as though we…" Kaworu blushed, unable to get the words out.

Maya giggled at Kaworu's modesty. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She looked up at him, staring into his red eyes as though she was searching for something. Finally, after a moment of this, she sighed and spoke. "Kaworu?"

"Yes, Maya?"

"Since we're… not caring what anyone else thinks…" She trailed off and instead of speaking, placed a hand on his cheek and touched her lips to his.

Maya had intended for the kiss to be a short one, but found that once she had started, her body simply would not respond to her commands. After a few moments, the kiss deepened, and Maya found herself enjoying it more than she had expected. Kaworu, on the other hand, was extremely nervous but tried his best to make the pleasure he felt reciprocal.

Maya ultimately forced herself away from Kaworu's lips, regretting that she had to stop. "I don't wanna go to work now," she whined comically.

Kaworu laughed. "Yes, I know the feeling." Despite the positive turn of the circumstances, however, Kaworu felt guilty about keeping his true nature from Maya. _She has been open with me, _he thought to himself. _I have to tell her the truth; I owe her that much._

Kaworu resolved not to spoil the moment and to tell her when the time was right.

Leaning his head against the car door, Kaworu silently wished for the moment to last forever. In a way, it did.

He never forgot that first kiss.

( 0 0 0 )

The entire student body of class 2-A rose as one languid mass of humanity, bowing to the teacher and then returning to their seats, preparing for another of their teacher's tiresome lessons. Shinji's head fell as soon as the old man began speaking, knowing full well that the teacher would not pay him any heed. His laptop beeped, and he opened the chat window, shutting off the volume so as not to attract any unwanted attention. The message was from Kensuke.

Hey, the message read, are you feeling alright? 

Shinji sighed, typing back, Yeah, I'm fine. 

Because you don't look so good. 

I just didn't sleep much, that's all. I'm fine. 

Well, okay, if you're sure. With that, the spectacled boy closed the connection.

Shinji placed his head upon the desk and promptly fell asleep. In the back of the room, Asuka was not faring much better. Her eyelids drooped, but she bolted upright when she felt Hikari tap her on the shoulder. "Asuka, are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Asuka mumbled. "I just… didn't sleep much last night."

"How much sleep _did _you get?" Hikari whispered.

Asuka paused. "None."

Hikari's jaw dropped. Asuka waved her hand dismissively.

"I'll be fine." Asuka placed her head down and drifted off as quickly as Shinji had just a moment ago.

Hikari looked at Shinji from across the room. And then back to Asuka. _I wonder what happened… _

And in the corner, no one noticed Rei Ayanami staring at Shinji, her face concerned and her red eyes threatening to fill with tears.

( 0 0 0 )

Once the dismissal bell had rung, Hikari cornered Asuka in the hallway. "Okay, Asuka, spill it—what's wrong with you and Ikari?"

Asuka averted her eyes, refusing to look Hikari in the face. This worried the brown-haired girl to a degree; Asuka was never one to shy away from anything. Whatever the problem was, it must be a big one, and it would be hard to coerce it out of her.

"It's nothing, Hikari. I'm fine."

"Asuka, don't lie to me," Hikari replied sternly, going into Class-Rep Mode. "I just want to help, okay? I won't tell anyone else."

Asuka hesitated before replying. "All right, all right, I'll tell you, but not here. Let's go to the courtyard."

Hikari nodded and began following Asuka to the outer courtyard near the school, wondering what she was about to find out. It had been easier than she had thought to convince Asuka to tell her what was wrong, and that unnerved Hikari even more than she already was. The fact that her best friend, the stronger of the two, was having a problem that could affect her like this made the class-rep nervous.

They took a seat, leaning against the big sakura tree in the courtyard. Hikari looked out into the distance for a moment before speaking. "What's bothering you, Asuka?"

"Last night… something bad happened."

Hikari looked at the redhead, who was still not looking her in the face. Instead, the German girl was looking outward onto the cityscape, watching the flood of students pouring out of the front doors. "Something bad? What do you mean?"

Asuka paused again. "It's all that idiot Shinji's fault. All of this."

Hikari's eyes widened. "Ikari? What did he do?"

"He told me… that he… that he…. loved me."

Hikari tried to find a way to reply, but words just wouldn't come for the moment. Finally, she managed to speak. "But… why is that bad? Ikari's a nice guy."

"I don't care. He doesn't understand."

"Understand what?"

"Anything about me! He doesn't know me well enough to say that and _mean _it." Asuka sighed. "And I don't want him to know me well enough."

Hikari looked at the ground for a second. "Why not?"

"There are too many things about me that I don't want to share… with anyone, and especially not him. How do I know I can allow him that close? It will all end with me getting hurt, I know it."

"How can you know if you don't try?"

"Because that's the way it always works. Closeness causes pain, inevitably."

Hikari looked at her friend again, concern filling her features. "Asuka…"

"Hikari, drop it. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

She nodded and looked away from Asuka. "I still think you should give him a chance. But I can't make you."

The discussion ended there as Hikari gathered her things and left. Asuka did not leave for several minutes, trying to sort out her friend's words, desperately looking for the solution to her dilemma.

It never came.

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji felt a tap on his shoulder as he walked down the sidewalk away from the school. He turned his head and looked into a pair of red eyes. Expecting Kaworu, he was surprised to find that they belonged to Rei Ayanami. "Oh, hello, Ayanami," he said dully, and Rei could sense that something was wrong with the Third Child.

"Hello, Ikari," she said in her usual tone. For some inexplicable reason, her voice seemed to soothe Shinji a bit, and he felt a bit better just from having her around. "Is something the matter?"

Shinji avertedhis gaze, avoiding the piercing eyes of the First Child. "Why do you ask?"

"You simply appeared to be having problems, as did Sohryu. I simply wondered if something was the matter."

Shinji sighed. For a moment, he wondered why Rei was confronting him like this. _I guess she just doesn't know anything about being discreet, _he decided. Not that it mattered much. "I'm just… having some problems with Asuka, that's all."

"Is it something you could share?"

Shinji thought about this for a moment. "I could, I guess, but I don't want to get you involved in this, Ayanami."

Rei nodded. "I see. I merely wondered if sharing your problems would help any."

Shinji had never spoken to Rei at length about anything before, so naturally he was a mite hesitant to share his heart's inner workings with her. However, Shinji could sense that Rei was right. _I need to get this off of my chest somehow if I'm gonna get over it. Might as well give it a shot. _

He told her everything he could stand to about what had happened the night before and his feelings for Asuka. Somehow, Shinji found it incredibly easy to talk to Rei, mostly because she did very little talking herself, making her a great listener. She watched him carefully as he talked, which did not escape the Third Child's attention. _Why is she so concerned about this? She's never really shown any interest before…_

"I see," he heard Rei say, her voice ringing like bells again. "What do you intend to do?"

"I'm not exactly sure, Ayanami. I think with the damage I've done and what happened to her a few days ago… I don't think there's a chance of making things better."

Rei nodded. "Understood."

Shinji faced her and smiled. "Thank you, Ayanami."

The red-eyed girl looked at him somewhat quizzically. "For what?"

"Listening. I needed to tell someone other than Pen-Pen, or I might have gone insane. Knowing I can talk to you means a lot to me."

To Shinji's surprise, Rei smiled. The same smile he had seen when he had forced open the Entry Plug hatch after the Fifth Angel's attack. Though it barely registered to Shinji at that moment, this smile was one of the few that Rei had ever given to anyone.

Rei looked into his face. "Is there anything else that I can do?"

Shinji thought for a moment. "Well… no, never mind, I would hate to impose on you like that…"

"What is it?"

"It's just that… Asuka is going to be at my apartment when I get there, and I don't want to face her. Then Misato is going to come home and ask all sorts of questions. I'd rather not go back for now, and I don't really want to be alone."

Rei nodded. "Would you like for me to accompany you someplace, then?"

Shinji smiled genuinely for what felt like the first time in years. "Yes, Rei. I'd like that."

( 0 0 0 )

A silence had fallen over Kaworu and Maya as the car coasted down the street toward the NERV complex, and the lack of speech was beginning to make Maya uncomfortable. Taking a moment to glance to her left, she noticed Kaworu's head propped up on his palm, his eyes closed and a half-smile crossing his ethereal features. She could not be sure if he was asleep or not, but his even breaths told her that the Fifth Child was indeed in a state of slumber. _I wonder how much sleep he actually got last night. He was awake before I was, but for how long? _

The bridge tech pulled the car to a stop outside the gated entrance and shut the ignition off, shaking the young man gently. "Kaworu, we're here."

He mumbled something that Maya could not quite understand, and his eyes flickered open. "Huh?"

Maya giggled for a moment at seeing the normally cool and collected boy do something so comical. It was not often that he did such things, as far as she had seen. "We're here," she said, repressing her short fit of laughter.

"Oh," Kaworu responded, rubbing his eyes. "Curses. I wish we could spend more time together."

"Who says we can't?" Maya responded in a singsong tone.

Kaworu cocked his head. "What do you mean?"

Maya leaned in to him, her voice level and serious, but Kaworu could sense that she was not nervous anymore. He was greatly relieved by this. "You taught me something valuable today, Kaworu. You showed me that good things can be hidden anywhere, and you won't find them unless you step out of your comfort zone and take a chance." Maya put her hand on his cheek, and the young man briefly considered looking to make sure they weren't being watched, but then he remembered his own advice. _It does not matter what anyone else thinks._

"Just because the night is over doesn't mean that we won't have another chance," Maya said.

Kaworu nodded and smiled. "You're right. When can I see you again?"

Maya smiled. "Soon, I hope. We'll work it out later."

Kaworu popped the door open, but before he could go, Maya kissed him again. Not much more than a short peck, but it was more than Kaworu would have dreamed of asking for.

"Just in case I don't get to do that for a while," Maya explained, a blush tinting her cheeks. They said their goodbyes, and Kaworu walked to the entrance that would be the shortest route to his bunk while Maya drove into the parking lot of another area of the complex.

Kaworu thought over the events of the evening as he slid his ID card through the reader, the massive metal doors opening almost soundlessly. He remembered the kiss that they had shared earlier and again just now, and the memory stirred an odd reaction in the Fifth Child. While he felt happy, he could feel a single tear fall down his cheek. He knew the explanation immediately. _It is guilt, _Kaworu thought as he walked the length of the hallway in a dazed state of half-awareness, too immersed in his thoughts to care where he was going. _I have not been honest with her, and now… this is a horrible feeling. I have to tell her the truth. _

But how much damage would it do?

Kaworu knew that he had no choice but to find out.

( 0 0 0 )

The door of apartment 402 creaked open, the old hinges of the door making a hideous noise that made Shinji wince. He did not remember the place being this decrepit when he had been here last, and the lack of maintenance was starting to unnerve the boy greatly. Shinji removed his shoes at the door, as did Rei, and the two of them entered the apartment. Shinji was appalled, though not surprised, that the remainder of the apartment was suffering the same lack of attention as the door and outer building. The ceiling tiles were beginning to change colors, which he could be sure was not a good sign of any sort, and other various small things made Shinji wonder about the safety of the First Child's home.

Before he could meditate further on the security of the dwelling, however, he heard Rei's voice. "Do you know how to make tea, Ikari?"

"Yes. Why, do you have any?"

"I do, but I do not know how to make it. How many leaves should I use?"

Shinji went into the kitchen to help her and noticed that she had scooped a massive amount of leaves onto the spoon, making a stack that would certainly make tea, though it would likely be hazardous to drink. "Is this too much?"

Shinji laughed. "Yeah, I think so, Ayanami. Here, let me get that. He took the spoon from her and dumped its contents into the container. The girl moved to the other side of the kitchen and began boiling a pot of water. Shinji fumbled over his words, trying to think of a suitable icebreaker, but Rei beat him to the punch.

"Why do you not wish to return home, Ikari?"

Shinji hesitated before replying. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have come here."

"That is not why I asked. I do not mind having you here; you are more than welcome to stay as long as you like."

Shinji nodded and whispered meekly. "Thank you, Ayanami."

"I asked simply out of concern."

"You're concerned? For me?"

Rei nodded. "Yes. Why, should I not be?"

"I'm not saying that," Shinji responded quickly, "it's just that… well…"

"You did not believe that I would be the one to show concern for you, am I right?"

Shinji nodded in response.

"I understand."

There was a silence for a while, until the pair heard the kettle on the stove reach boiling point. Rei reached around but missed the handle, brushing her hand against the heated metal. She gasped, and Shinji panicked. "What happened?"

"I burned myself. It is not serious."

"Let me see," Shinji urged her, and she showed him her hand. The skin on the back of her hand and the top part of her wrist was an inflamed red. It was partially accentuated by the pale tone of Rei's skin, but Shinji was too alarmed to think about this fact. "Here, put it under some water!" Shinji pulled Rei's hand under the sink and turned on the cold water, allowing the liquid to wash over the red portion. They stayed like this for several moments, before Shinji realized exactly how close he was to Rei. Inclining his head, he stared awkwardly into her red eyes as she smiled at him.

"Thank you," she said, her soft voice ringing like silver bells in Shinji's ears.

A blush tinted Shinji's cheeks almost the same color as the burn on Rei's hand. He could feel the cold water contrasting with the warmth from Rei's hand; for being as pale as she was, her touch was pleasantly warm. Shinji let go of her hand, most regrettably to both of them, and took a step backwards. "I'll just… make the tea" He finished making the drink, and the two of them waited on the cups to cool.

Before the tea was drinkable, the Angel alert klaxons sounded, and the two of them rushed out of the apartment, the cups lying entirely forgotten on the table.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu sat in the Entry Plug, an odd expression on his face. He had luckily been inside NERV already when the klaxons had alerted them to the presence of the Sixteenth Messenger, and he had rushed to the cages as quickly as he could. Kaworu was inside of Unit 02 upon the Commander's orders. He remembered Gendo's cold words very clearly.

_"It is better to have a pilot who could possibly do some good than a decoy who cannot even move."_

Despite Kaworu's rocky past with the Second Child, he felt a measure of pity when he had heard Gendo say this. _No one deserves to be treated that way, _he thought.

So here he found himself, about to sortie against one of his own. _But are they really my own now? I do not know whom to call my own anymore, _Kaworu mused silently. The catapults launching Unit 00 had reached the surface by now, and he could tell from the radio transmissions that Rei was in position, awaiting orders. He then heard Misato's voice.

"Rei, we're going to wait and watch for a while."

Rei's cool voice responded with what Kaworu could take as a note of slight panic.

"No, it's coming."

Mayhem ensued that Kaworu could not see, but he could hear it. _It's beginning, _he thought. _The final run began with Arael. The destruction of the Second, now the First… and the Third must come final. At my hand, no less. _He regretted this turn of events. _What am I going to do?_

Rifle shots rang out, coupled by the frustrated cries of the technicians as they struggled for a solution. _It will do no good, _Kaworu thought to himself. _This is inevitable._

_Or is it? _That small part of his mind nagged at him again. These arguments were becoming more and more frequent. Whose side was he on now?

Finally, he heard the words he had been awaiting and dreading. "Launch Unit 02! Send him out to rescue and support Rei!"

The catapult engines fired, and Unit 02 was sent hurtling toward the surface, the g-forces pressing on every inch of Kaworu's body. _I dislike this sensation, _he thought ruefully, fighting the urge to be sick. After no more than a few seconds the lift came to a stop, and the shutters opened, allowing Kaworu a view of the situation. Unit 00 was curled up into a fetal ball, while the Angel's tail was penetrating the Eva's stomach.

"Kaworu, close your distance by 300, deploy your AT Field at maximum, and fire the Pallet Rifle into the target's exposed areas!"

"Yes, ma'am," Kaworu replied, focusing his mind and synching with Unit 02.

He heard one of the technicians shout, "The Fifth Child's synchronization rate is at 97!"

"That's impossible!" Misato screamed.

"Don't complain," Ritsuko said, we need all the help we can get at this point.

Kaworu reached for the Rifle and grabbed it, leaping out of the tower over several buildings and astonishing the bridge crew. He squeezed the trigger on the Rifle, tumbling end over end through the air and landing a short distance from the Angel.

"I'm sorry," he said. "This is the way it must be, Armisael." Kaworu pulled the trigger back and unloaded the clip into the Angel's slender body. He heard Rei scream over the channel. He knew how this worked: the Angel's body was fusing itself to the Evangelion _and _the pilot both. What he did to Armisael, he did to Rei as well. Shortly after this, as he had predicted, he received a ceasefire order. He backed off, maximizing his AT Field and attempting to separate the two by this method. It failed.

Try as they might, Kaworu knew that the First was doomed.

The channel crackled to life again. He heard the slightly distorted voice over the other end speak words that bored into his heart, despite the circumstances.

"Is this a tear? Am I the one who's crying?"

Unit 00's body then erupted from the back, a massive form sprouting out of the blue Eva's back. Within the crumpled mass of flesh, Kaworu could see recognizable portions, pieces of the Angels that had come before him. _Sachiel… Leliel… Arael…Zeruel… my brothers in arms… _The perverseness of the thing revolted Kaworu. _How could this be? _

"The freeze on Unit 01 is hereby lifted. Send him out at once," Kaworu heard Gendo say. He knew that under no other circumstances would he have done this; when his precious Rei was in danger, Gendo would spare nothing.

The purple form of Unit 01 became visible. Kaworu knew that the end of the battle was drawing nearer; he paid no attention to the communicator, his full attention on the actions of the Third Child. The air around Unit 01 shimmered and vibrated as the AT Field came up, grabbing the attention of Armisael, which erupted toward Shinji. He dodged, barely, and his Pallet Rifle exploded into fragments of metal. He grabbed the end of the Angel, and Kaworu could see the vein like lesions appearing on the Eva's arms and spreading up its body. Unit 01 deployed its Progressive Knife and jammed it into the Angel's side, a fountain of red erupting from the wound. Rei screamed, and Shinji let off.

Then something happened that surprised even Kaworu. The end of the Angel's body began shape-shifting, changing like clay until they formed the features and torso of Rei Ayanami. When the being touched Unit 01's face, more of the raised veins appeared. Without warning, the creature was whipped away from Unit 01, and Kaworu could see that it was being held in a bulb of flesh in Unit 00's chest. He knew what would happen now.

"Ikari," came Rei's voice over the link, "I'm sorry we didn't get to finish our afternoon together."

"Ayanami! What are you doing?" came Shinji's frantic reply.

"I am merely doing what I must."

"NO! There has to be another way!"

"There isn't," said Rei calmly. "If I leave, the AT Field will disappear. This is the only way."

Kaworu closed his eyes. Much to his surprise, he felt a droplet of water slide down his cheek.

_Now it is I who is crying,_ he thought fleetingly.

The still form of Unit 00 rose up, seemingly against its will, reaching toward the sky. All involved were being called home.

"Ikari… I… love you…"

"NO!"

All that came next was a white light that burned the senses, and Kaworu blacked out.

( 0 0 0 )

When Kaworu awoke, another harsh light met his eyes – the light of the NERV medical ward. The blue overtone of the room reflected off of everything and made the room appear even blander than it already was. He sat up and surveyed the room more thoroughly and at once noticed his visitor – Maya was asleep in a chair next to his bed. _How long as she been there, I wonder? _Kaworu smiled; seeing her was a pleasant change from the earlier events. The pounding headache forced the young man to lie back down and once again stare back up at the boring ceiling. Kaworu glanced over in Maya's direction. _I should let her sleep. She's had a long day as well. _His eyes drifted shut for a brief few seconds before he heard the door open and then shut almost noiselessly once more.

Kaworu opened his eyes and glanced to the doorway, finding himself looking at Gendo Ikari. "Hello, Commander," he said as pleasantly as he could.

"You have not been truthful with me… Tabris."

Kaworu flinched at the mention of his real name, rising to a sitting position in the bed and staring at the man with cold, hardened eyes. He could tell that Gendo wasn't bluffing. "How did you find out?"

"It wasn't entirely difficult, once you began changing your synch ratio." Kaworu would have to take his word for it—his memory of the events was a bit fuzzy. "It seems that your superiors are getting foolish, sending you into the lion's den as they have." Gendo's expression was as cold as Kaworu's; the two seemed locked together by the eyes.

"Foolish? You know what the Scrolls say better than most, Commander," Kaworu said evenly, his voice carrying a somewhat dangerous edge – a risky gamble when in a conversation with the stone-faced NERV Commander. "I would think that you of all people would know how this will all turn out. Am I wrong? Does your reach not extend as far as you would have most people think?"

Gendo glared at him again. "It is unwise to make such statements, Fifth Child. One might take them as a threat."

"A threat? I have little use for them," said Kaworu playfully, dodging another bullet and annoying the Commander even further.

The bearded man looked at the sleeping woman in the corner. "Will you tell her? Or will you lie to her to keep her in the dark?"

Gendo smiled when Kaworu winced.

"That is my concern, not yours, Commander," Kaworu said boldly, his hands clenching into fists despite his best efforts to remain calm.

"I see," Gendo responded in a mocking tone of voice. "Consider it, Fifth Child. The time is drawing near, as we both know. I have made my move—now it is time for you to make yours." With that, the man left the room casually.

Kaworu took a deep breath as Gendo left, trying to clear his mind and calm himself. _What am I going to do? The most powerful person in NERV is challenging me, and he knows my true nature. This is bad… the Council never said anything about this. _Kaworu looked to Maya, who had slept through the whole encounter. _When she wakes up… I'll tell her everything. I can't keep lying to her like this; it's not right._

Kaworu fell back onto the pillows and waited for the inevitable.

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji tore down the hallway, nearly barreling into a nurse as he ran toward the Cranial Nerve unit of the NERV hospital. He didn't care about the looks he was receiving or anyone that he ran into. All that mattered was getting to where he was going. Shinji could still remember Misato's frantic words from not too long ago.

"_Rei… She's alive!"_

It seemed like ages ago that Unit 00 had been destroyed and Shinji had thought Rei to be dead. _It must be some kind of miracle, _he thought to himself as he dodged another nurse with a trolley. _She said she loved me… What do I do when I see her? What am I supposed to do? _Something told him to accept it and return the feeling. His relationship with Asuka, as much as he had wanted it to work, was something that Shinji had since deemed impossible. In Shinji's mind, pursuing Asuka was a fruitless endeavor. Rei, on the other hand, was a completely different matter.

Shinji rounded the corner and almost cried when he saw a familiar blue-haired girl standing at the window, staring out onto the grounds of the hospital. "Ayanami!" he shouted, the happiness at seeing her again beginning to overwhelm him. She turned, one of her cherry eyes obscured by a patch and bandage. She spoke three words.

"Who are you?"

The smile on Shinji's face turned sickly. At that moment, he felt his heart snap.

"You… don't remember me?"

She shook her head. The emotionless expression on her face told Shinji that she clearly was not the person he remembered. "No. Should I?"

He ran.

( 0 0 0 )

Ritsuko sipped from the coffee mug on her desk, even though the coffee had gone cold at least an hour ago. It was another long day; damage reports, forging information about the Angel's attack, repairs to be done on the Evas, and other such tedious business. Ritsuko was glad that there was only one more Angel left until the whole thing was over. _Goddamn, I hate paperwork, _she thought angrily as she filled out one of the reports, putting it into the rapidly growing pile of completed documents.

The door to her office was thrown open. She whirled around in her chair to face the person who had entered and saw Shinji standing there, gasping for breath.

"Shinji?" Ritsuko said bewilderedly.

"Where… is Ayanami?"

She sighed. She should have known _he _would notice the changes. "She's at the hospital, Shinji. You know the standard procedure."

"No. That…. _thing _at the hospital is _not _Ayanami."

Ritsuko looked into his eyes. Something about them was different, although the doctor couldn't exactly put her finger on what. She ignored it and went with the lie she had been given. "I don't know what you mean." She kept her voice level, betraying no hint that she was lying.

Shinji snapped. "You know damned well what I mean! Rei Ayanami is dead, and she's been replaced by some… some _doll!_" He was furious, and he was showing every bit of that anger to the blonde woman in one shot. "I want the _truth_! _Now!_"

Ritsuko was astonished by the display of intense emotion she was receiving from Shinji. His face was turning red, and his knuckles were white from his fists being clenched so tightly. The young man's eyes burned into hers, never breaking contact with her.

"Shinji, I can't tell you anything."

"Why not!"

Ritsuko sighed. "The information is highly classified. I can't give it to you."

A moment of silence passed, and Shinji exploded. "Damn it! This whole thing is nothing but smoke and mirrors – nothing but lies! Why can't anyone here tell me the truth!" His eyes burned like hot coals as he continued to glare at Ritsuko. "I want an answer, and I want it now! I think I'm entitled to that much!"

Again, the woman considered the situation. From Rei's last words before Unit 00 self-destructed, she could feel some sympathy for the Third Child's frustration. How would she feel in his shoes? She would demand an answer, and she knew that well. It was risky, but Ritsuko knew that showing him the truth was necessary. She had been planning on going down there anyway; taking Shinji was a simple matter. The woman also expected another visitor, judging by the way that Misato was acting lately.

"Fine. Come with me." She led him from the room, already regretting her decision. _I hate to do this to him, but he needs to know._

She swiped her security card at the elevator, and the two of them entered it, descending into NERV's belly.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu stared out of the window, a sullen expression tainting his features. He hated this feeling that had welled up inside of him since Gendo's visit: guilt. He had planned on telling Maya his origins, that much was true, but the fact that it had been brought so blatantly to his attention was causing the shame to well up in his bloodstream. Darkness was settling, as he had watched it do for several hours. Maya was still asleep in the chair, and he dreaded the moment when she would wake up; that was an inevitable moment that the Fifth Child wished he could avoid but knew it was beyond his power. _I started this, _Kaworu thought with some semblance of assurance, _and I'm going to finish it… come what may._

The tightening in his chest intensified when he heard a yawn from behind him. Kaworu could not bring himself to turn around at the moment; seeing her face would only make matters that much harder. He heard her stirring, and eventually he could deduce that she had stood from the chair.

"Kaworu? You're awake!"

He nodded, his voice barely above a whisper as he replied, "Yes, Maya. I'm awake."

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Her voice carried a tone of worry that made Kaworu's heart ache even more. _I don't deserve this kind of caring…_

"… No, I'm not okay, Maya."

The weight of the bed shifted, and Kaworu could tell that she was seated next to him and very close. "What's wrong?"

No longer able to bear the pain, he turned to face her. Maya was stunning, even when she was distressed. Her hair was ruffled from sleeping in the chair, and her eyes shone with an emotion of concern that pained the young man deeply. "Take me to the bridge, Maya… I have something I need to show you."

"The bridge?" she asked him, confused by the unusual request. "Why do you…"

"Maya, please," Kaworu interrupted, his voice firm. "I have to do this… before it's too late for me to show you the truth."

"The truth?"

Kaworu fixed his gaze on hers, standing from the bed shakily. "Take me to the bridge."

Not seeing any reason not to, Maya nodded and handed him his clothes. "I'll wait outside so you can get dressed."

He took the clothing from her. "Thank you," he said, walking into the small bathroom. Maya exited, leaning against the doorframe, wondering what was about to happen and why the Fifth Child would be so serious.

Her answer would come soon.

( 0 0 0 )

The door to the bridge slid open, and Maya and Kaworu walked through it, stepping into the almost sheer blackness of the control room. Kaworu could see the three massive box-shaped forms of the MAGI units, silhouetted by the minimal light and looming ominously over the form of the gray-haired young man. Rare was the occasion that the Seventeenth Angel felt fear – now was one of those times. Maya walked to her terminal, assuming that Kaworu would need her to use it.

"Maya, I know this will seem odd," he said, the quiet and almost fearful tone still lingering in his voice, "but I need you to deactivate the sensors that detect AT Fields."

She faced him, her eyes wide. "Why do you need me to do that? It's dangerous; what if an Angel attacks?"

He shook his head, refusing to meet her eyes. "It won't."

There was a silence as Maya considered the request. "I don't know… This doesn't seem right."

"I know," Kaworu replied, nodding solemnly. "But I need you to do this. Please, Maya. For me."

He raised his face to meet hers, his red eyes glittering with something that Maya was sure were tears. _Why is he so worked up about this? _If anyone found out that she had shut down the security systems, she'd be in big trouble with the higher-ups. But the pleading red eyes in front of her were compelling her to do what the young man asked, despite the consequences. She nodded.

"Okay," Maya said. "Give me a moment."

"Thank you," Kaworu whispered.

Maya typed furiously, and after a few moments, she looked at Kaworu. "Okay, we have a window of a few minutes during which the system will be inactive. Now, tell me what's going on."

Kaworu took a deep breath, trying to release the tension in his muscles. Resigning himself to the fact that he was scared to death, the young man released his breath in a deep sigh. "Maya… I've lied to you."

"What do you mean?"

"There's something I should have told you before, but I was afraid of how you'd react. That's no excuse – this is something you have a right to know." His red eyes drifted shut for a moment.

An orange hexagonal pattern materialized around him, causing the air to shimmer like the heat waves coming off of a hot sidewalk. Maya recognized what it was immediately.

An AT Field.

That meant… No, it couldn't be…

"You're… you're…" she stuttered, finding that she could not bring herself to speak.

"I am. I'm the Seventeenth Angel."

The AT Field faded, and a pregnant silence hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity as Maya simply gawked at Kaworu and Kaworu stared at the floor near Maya's feet. As he did this, a small droplet of water fell from his eyes.

_A tear? I didn't know that I could…_

"Why?" Maya said, her voice now a whisper. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was scared. I didn't want you to hate me."

"I can't believe that you would keep this from me!" the woman shouted at him, her eyes beginning to fill with tears as well. "You're one of _them, _and you make me believe you're just another guy! No… you were more than that. I trusted you; I thought you were different! But you lied to me… _just like everyone else!_" Her voice was full of fury now, and Kaworu stood there and took it. It was all that he could do to keep from breaking down, but he refused to do anything more than shed silent tears.

"Maya… I…"

Maya slapped him, cutting him off in mid sentence. The force of the blow caused him to recoil, turning to the side and collapsing into a heap on the ground.

"I can't believe you, Nagisa." He flinched as she used his surname. "And to think that I…" She stopped herself and strode from the room without another word.

As Kaworu lay there on the floor, the tears flowing from his eyes, he wondered what she had been about to say. _She liked me, _he thought to himself. He could feel the emotions streaming out of her heart – the pain, the disbelief… and what he had thought might have been affection. Could it be that maybe, just maybe, she had some kind of feeling for him?

_Not anymore, _Kaworu thought as he continued to lie on the floor, lacking the strength to stand. _Maybe never again…_

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji could feel the threads of his sanity beginning to snap, one by one.

The many pairs of red eyes stared at him from behind the wall of glass, the eerie smiles on their faces burning themselves into Shinji's memory. He had seen the Eva graveyard and the room where Rei Ayanami was born and had learned the secrets of Unit 01. But nothing could have prepared him for this. This was just… sickening.

By the time that Ritsuko destroyed the Rei clones, Shinji was too far gone to care.

The young man felt his knees buckle, and he fell to the floor in a heap, clutching his head and trying to drown out the demonic-sounding laughter of the clones in the tanks as they met a death they neither understood nor deserved. Shinji could feel the beginnings of insanity beginning to worm their way into his mind, infiltrating the deep recesses of his subconscious and tearing his brain apart from the inside out. In the midst of this, he felt something break.

It was his heart, snapping under the strain of loss.

"Shinji," he could vaguely hear Ritsuko's voice say, "I know that this hurts, but…"

"Shut up."

The blonde woman faced him, but said nothing. Shinji stood from the floor and faced the doorway. "Where are you going?" Ritsuko asked him.

He peered over his shoulder, and the expression that met her gaze struck an indescribable fear into Ritsuko's heart.

From the cobalt eyes of Shinji Ikari came an expression devoid of all emotion. She was looking at Rei Ayanami through his eyes. _It's like he just cut his heart out, _Ritsuko thought, the very notion of such a thing sending a chill down her spine.

"I'm going out. I don't know where." Without another word, Shinji exited the room, leaving Ritsuko alone with the black walls and green light of the Dummy Plug room.

Unable to stand the place any longer, she too left, knowing what would be waiting for her in her office when she returned.

( 0 0 0 )

Perched atop one of the MAGI terminals, Kaworu stared at the ground beneath him as he had for the past several minutes. _I hate this feeling, _the young man thought resentfully, cursing fate for presenting him with such a choice. _But at least now she knows the truth. She deserves that much, after what I did._

His red eyes were now swollen with tears, but Kaworu no longer cared. _I wonder… I thought that I was incapable of crying. What does this mean?_ Somehow, he already knew the answer. _It is the human part of me. It does exist; I had thought it only an illusion until now. But I see… I really do have a human side of me._

Kaworu stood on top of the computer and looked at his hands. _I know what I have to do. For my own sake… and hers._ He could no longer deny it.

Against all odds, he had fallen in love with Maya Ibuki.

The Seventeenth Angel outstretched his hand… and delved it into his midsection.

The unnatural strength behind the blow caused Kaworu to fall backward onto the red roof of the terminal, the pain blurring his senses. But despite the ache, he persisted. Fishing around until he discovered a smooth orb, Kaworu gripped and pulled on it, ripping the sphere from his belly.

He stared up at his S2 organ, his right arm limp and his vision beginning to fade.

"Maya… forgive me…" Kaworu's body became limp, and his arm collapsed, the bloody ball rolling across the smooth metal and falling to the floor, miraculously surviving the drop and disappearing into the shadows.

Kaworu could feel life fading from him fast. _It doesn't matter, _he thought as he felt consciousness beginning to fade. _My cure lies higher than hope now._

_It always did._

His eyes closed, and consciousness finally passed out of Kaworu Nagisa, leaving him in a crumpled heap atop the form of Casper. Blood continued to flow from his wound, pouring over the side of the computer and onto the floor.

The Seventeenth Angel had truly fallen from Heaven, his wings crumpled and his halo shattered.

Author's Notes: (dodges the volley of vegetables from the audience) What! Did you honestly think I was gonna let him get off that easy? No way! Where's the fun in romance without the turbulence? Besides, the fun's not over yet.

Thanks to all the people who reviewed the last two chapters, I hope this one didn't disappoint you. I ask for your patience with the next installment—it might take me a while to get out.

Prereading credits go to Scout and That Other Guy, as always. Thanks you two.


	4. Wishes Granted

Disclaimer: I do not own _Neon Genesis Evangelion. _The Series belongs to GAINAX, ADV Films, and Hideaki Anno. Should they ask, I will remove all traces of this story from public view. I also do not own Nightwish, whose song lyrics provide considerable inspiration for this story (not to mention its title). Should they ask, I'm sure I can work something out.

This is the fourth chapter of _Wish I Had An Angel, _my slow going but hopefully worthwhile endeavor. If you haven't read the other three installments, I would do so before you become entirely lost.

_**Wish I Had An Angel**_

Chapter 4: Wishes Granted

Morning crept over the horizon, the sun appearing exceptionally sluggish in its ascent over the distant line between heaven and earth, almost as if the fiery orb were the embodiment of the emotions of several people in the city that its light was soon to fall upon. The majority of Tokyo-3's inhabitants knew nothing of the events that had taken place the previous night, other than the Sixteenth Angel's attack and spectacular defeat. The ramifications and the events that followed, however, were the cause of the despair that haunted one particular individual. Maya Ibuki rose from the couch in her apartment, her tousled mop of brown hair pointing in almost every conceivable direction but the one that looked decent. Her haggard appearance was not limited to her hair only; the work uniform that she wore was wrinkled horribly, an aftereffect from sleeping in it, and her eyes were red and swollen from the crying she had done last night.

The woman rubbed her eyes, freeing them of some of the tears that had lingered through the night. Without her knowing, her dreams had provoked more outpourings of emotion. The dreams had been haunting her again, the same image of the young man she now knew as Kaworu Nagisa once again plaguing her nights with an unshakable feeling of confusion now mingled with rage. _Did I ever really know him? _It was a question Maya had been pondering for the past several hours, since the gray-haired boy had revealed his true nature: he was the Seventeenth Angel, the harbinger of the world's end. The woman knew it was only a matter of time before she would see him again… but it would be as enemies, a confrontation that she was sure would lead to the death of the Fifth Child.

The feeling of impending death that loomed over Maya instilled mixed emotions in the bridge tech. Granted, she knew what her job was, but the time that she had spent with Kaworu had been enough to cause feelings for him to grow. What those feelings were exactly, she was not sure, but those unexplainable emotions were what were preventing her from exposing him to everyone else. _I just couldn't do it, _Maya thought as she walked across the apartment and into the bathroom, preparing her toothbrush – the morning breath was enough to make her sick.

As she regarded herself in the mirror, Maya wondered exactly why Kaworu had done what he had. _Why did he tell me? He could have just kept it to himself and done his job – why did he bother spilling everything? _Even harder to answer was the question of why he had decided to spend time with her in the first place. _I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with his mission, _Maya thought as she finished brushing her teeth. _It just… doesn't make sense. I wish I could ask him. It would answer a lot of questions._

She knew it wasn't possible. But she somehow wished for it anyway.

Maya undressed with an aching slowness, brought on partially by cramped muscles from her uncomfortable sleep and from a lack of a desire to do anything at the moment. It felt as though she were partly dead, an odd and terrible sensation which the woman wished she could be rid of. She stepped into the shower, hoping that the hot jet of water would be enough to wash away these hateful feelings.

It wasn't.

( 0 0 0 )

A pair of hardened cobalt eyes stared through yellow lenses across the darkened room as the door of Gendo Ikari's office opened. Fuyutsuki stepped into the office, his usual crisp stride leading the older man to Gendo's desk. He kept his eyes focused on Gendo's; he knew better than to do otherwise. To not make eye contact with the man was a sign of weakness, something that Fuyutsuki was not willing to acknowledge.

"Well, why is it that you've called me here at such an early hour, Ikari?" Fuyutsuki's tone suggested that being summoned to headquarters earlier than he needed to be there usually was not high on his list of fun things to do.

"The Seventeenth Angel's attack is going to come later than expected, Fuyutsuki."

"How can you be sure?"

Gendo's lips curled into a thin and menacing grin, one that Fuyutsuki saw very rarely and usually regretted it when he did. "Because I hold the key to unleashing him."

Fuyutsuki's eyes widened, the confusion beginning to make him feel uncomfortable. "What are you saying?"

Gendo unfolded his hands and pointed downward. It was only then that Fuyutsuki saw it: a red sphere about the size of a baseball, catching the minimal light in the room and glowing merrily yet eerily.

"Is… is that…"

"Yes. An S2 organ. More specifically, the S2 organ of the Seventeenth Angel." Gendo's voice was contained, as usual, but a note of triumph penetrated it.

"Where did you get that?"

"Ironically enough, I found it. Or rather, one of our technicians did. He discovered it during a patrol of the bridge and brought it to my attention."

"How is this possible?" Fuyutsuki hated the feeling that he had at the moment; asking so many questions was something that never sat well with the professor.

"It is irrelevant. What is pertinent to the situation, however, is that we need a host for the S2 organ."

Fuyutsuki blanched, the blood draining from his face. "You still plan to unleash the Seventeenth." It was not a question but a fact. Fuyutsuki could see an unclear picture of what Gendo had in mind.

Gendo nodded, standing from his desk and scooping the crimson sphere up into his palm, rolling it gently in his grip. "If we can create our own Angel, as we've tried in the past, our view of Instrumentality could be realized considerably earlier than it would normally. Rather than destroy the Seventeenth, we shall bend it to our will."

"You plan to use one of the clones of Rei, then?"

Gendo shook his head. "No. The third was the only one who could house an S2 organ, and doing so would jeopardize our backup plan. We shall have to find another."

"Who, then?"

Gendo's grin returned, more menacing than ever. "The Third Child."

Fuyutsuki found himself at a loss for words. He simply could not believe that anyone would commit such a grotesque act. Even Gendo, he thought, wasn't that sick. And this was Gendo's own son! "I don't follow." He was lying, but Fuyutsuki wanted Gendo to give him a full description. Being kept in the dark was one thing Fuyutsuki hated most about NERV.

"Call Dr. Akagi and schedule an operation. Genetic alterations to the Third Child's body must be made so that he can house an S2 organ." Gendo's voice was businesslike, even when talking about something so infinitely disturbing as bastardizing creation. "He must be able to master his AT Field."

Fuyutsuki maintained his composure, despite the strong urge to vomit that was welling up within his stomach. "You really intend to do this? He's your son, Ikari." Fuyutsuki refrained from shouting the last statement.

Gendo's cold stare fixed itself upon Fuyutsuki. "He is merely a pawn in this game. Pawns are meant to be played and lost, if necessary."

The old man sighed. "I don't suppose I can convince you otherwise."

"Most definitely not."

After a moment's hesitation, Fuyutsuki responded, "I'll have Dr. Akagi report to your office as soon as she checks in."

"Thank you, Fuyutsuki. That will be all."

The old man nodded his head curtly and left the room, casting a questioning glance over his shoulder as he closed the door behind him.

Gendo stared at the red orb in his hands. _The Angel of Free Will made his choice, it seems, _thought the man as he continued turning the object over, allowing the light to flow off of the flawless surface of the sphere.

_Death was Tabris's destiny._

( 0 0 0 )

As Gendo thought this, a pair of red eyes fluttered open. Kaworu attempted to straighten up, but the pain in his stomach made it impossible to do so. He felt the pained area, and his hand came back bloody. _Oh, _Kaworu thought, returning to his previous position. _Now I remember what happened. _As he did remember, the perilous nature of the situation also returned to his memory. _If I don't get help soon… I'll bleed to death. _He exhaled a long breath, closing his eyes in resignation. _I can't move… I'm going to die…_

Light washed over his face, causing his eyes to reopen out of shock. He could see a silhouetted form in the doorway, and in stepped Ritsuko Akagi. She at first did not notice Kaworu, as her gaze was focused elsewhere. The gray-haired boy mustered every bit of strength he could and spoke. "Help… me…"

Ritsuko's eyes snapped upwards to the terminal following the red stain that had been left behind from the waterfall of Kaworu's blood along the side of the computer until she saw the boy's left arm dangling off of the side. "What the… what the hell happened, Nagisa?"

She ran to the computer and ascended the ladder on the side, looking over Kaworu's barely-moving figure. She heard him whisper, "Can't… move… Need … help…"

Ritsuko hooked her arms under his shoulders and managed to carry him down from Casper, heading to the hospital as fast as she could without risking injury to the Fifth Child. Once she arrived, she alerted the doctors of the situation, and a team of medical staff swarmed out of the woodwork, carrying the now unconscious young man into the ER.

Ritsuko sat down in one of the chairs. "God damn… it's gonna be a long day today." She thought back to what had happened in Gendo's office only a few moments prior. _First the whole business with Gendo's new plan, and now this? I guess it does confirm my theory about Kaworu being an Angel, but still… _The doctor was most displeased with this turn of events. _He has to be ready to pilot, just in case something happens. Otherwise, we'll have to rely on Rei or Asuka._

Ritsuko stood from the chair and walked into the ER. _I can't let them handle this; it's too delicate a situation. _She quickly examined the wound in Kaworu's stomach now that the doctors had removed his shirt; the wound was fairly clean—a neat hole, as though calculated. _Did he… do this to himself? _She shook herself. _There'll be time for that question later. _"What have we decided?" Ritsuko asked the doctor who was formerly in charge.

The doctor recognized Akagi's precedence over the matter and backed down gracefully. "We're going to perform surgery to fix the damaged organs, if there are any, and a blood transfusion skin graft are gonna be needed."

"Do we have an analysis on his blood type yet?" Ritsuko had to make sure. One thing she had learned in her career was never to assume anything.

"Yes, ma'am," one of the nurses reported. "Analysis shows that the Fifth Child has an O-negative blood type."

_O-negative? The universal donor… a _human_blood type, _Ritsuko thought amazedly, the scientist in her already attempting to come to a conclusion. She forced the instinct down._ I'll look into this later. _"Okay, people, let's go to work."

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu opened his eyes once more, again meeting the harsh lights of a hospital room. _Now I am beginning to see why Shinji hates this place, _Kaworu thought sullenly. As he remembered what had happened previously, the grogginess faded almost immediately, and his hand shot to his stomach, where he felt a good-sized layer of cloth bandages.

"I wouldn't fiddle with those bandages if I were you, Nagisa," he heard a voice say. Turning to the source, he saw Ritsuko leaning in the corner of the room.

"Hello, Dr. Akagi," Kaworu said, laying back down but keeping his gaze fixed on the blonde woman. "What's going on?"

"I was about to ask you the same question." Ritsuko's tone became grave. "The wound… it was self-inflicted, wasn't it?"

Kaworu nodded. "Yes."

"Why would you do something like that to yourself?" she asked.

"It was… an act of desperation," Kaworu replied, not really able to think of a better term for what he had done.

"I won't bug you about it too much, but I know that you removed your S2 organ."

Kaworu sighed. "Who told you?"

"No one. I figured it out on my own. Only thing is, now the rules have changed."

Kaworu looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"You cut your wings, in a manner of speaking," the doctor replied. "We had to give you a blood transfusion, but before we did, I took a sample of your blood for an analysis outside of theirs. Instead of looking solely for blood type, I compared it to other samples of Angel DNA that we've collected over time."

"What did you find?" the young manasked, now intrigued by the doctor's roundabout method of speech.

"The comparisons didn't match anything we had before. Then, I tried something else. A long shot, to be sure, but it paid off. I compared your DNA to human samples."

She grinned. "They matched perfectly."

Kaworu's eyes widened. "What!"

"Apparently, by removing your S2 organ, your body's systems changed dramatically, and now the Angel part of you is virtually nonexistent. For all intents and purposes… you're human."

Had he not been in bandages, Kaworu would have leapt for joy. At the moment, the best he could manage was a wide smile. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me, I didn't do anything," Ritsuko said. "But I've got one question for you before I leave you alone."

"What's that?"

"Was this about Maya?"

Kaworu's heart stopped for a split second. Averting his eyes shamefully, he whispered, "Yes." The mention of the woman's name brought back the painful remembrance of what had happened the previous night. "Yes, it was."

"What were you hoping to accomplish?"

"I don't know," the young man answered truthfully. "I suppose… I just wanted something to happen. Live or die…" He shook his head. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"Does she know that you're – pardon me, _were – _an Angel?"

The young man nodded. "I told her… and she got terribly angry."

"I would expect so. Listen," Ritsuko said, her tone shifting from being cold and distant to a tone that Kaworu could only describe as consoling, perhaps even warm, "Maya's been like a sister to me, and I've paid close attention to her for a while now. Since you came, she's been acting different. She's happier, more lively – and believe me, that's saying something." Ritsuko chuckled, still amazed at how cheery her understudy could be sometimes. "She likes you a lot. I'm not sure how deep that goes, but something is there, regardless."

"How can you be sure?"

"Trust me," Ritsuko responded, "I know that feeling and how it shows." The woman changed the subject abruptly. "Anyway… go and talk to her. I'm sure that now things will be different."

"I hope so," Kaworu said. "I have to fix this. I have to make it right."

"You love her, don't you?" Ritsuko asked, in a moment of clarity.

Kaworu nodded. "Yes."

"I thought so." The two of them lapsed into an uncomfortable silence before Ritsuko spoke again. "You'll be released soon—within the day, I expect. Apparently, your healing rate is still remarkably fast. You absorbed the skin graft much more rapidly than we'd expected."

"That's good. And, Dr. Akagi?"

"What is it?"

"Thank you for everything you've done, but… I need your help in one other matter."

She nodded. "What do you need?"

Kaworu smiled. "Maya's home address."

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji Ikari stood in his father's office, staring down the corridor with an expression almost as cold as Gendo's usually was. The change in the Third Child's demeanor did not go unnoticed; both Fuyutsuki and Gendo picked up on the hardened aura around Shinji and wondered briefly what had caused the change. The older Ikari shook off the sympathetic feelings at once. He had more important things to worry about.

"I have a new use for you, Shinji."

The boy yielded no response. His visage was completely expressionless, not unlike the usually stoic face that Rei usually wore.

"You are going to become the new Seventeenth Angel."

Shinji faltered. "What?"

"We are going to make you an Angel," Gendo reiterated.

"No."

Gendo raised an eyebrow. "What did you say?"

"I said no," Shinji repeated, his tone firmer than before. "I won't do it."

Gendo glared at him even harder. The discussion was turning into less of an exchange than a staring contest, seeing who would bend to the other's will first. "Your life is meaningless now. I see it in your eyes. You have nothing left but to obey me."

"You're wrong. I have life."

"But it is not worth living now," Gendo said, his lips drawing into a thin smile. "The Second has rejected you, and the Rei you knew is now gone. What else is left?"

Shinji's resolve wavered. He did not even bother to ask the question of how his father knew about Asuka. "How can you do this to me?" Shinji said indignantly, still in disbelief at what Gendo was asking of him. "You've never been there for me… and now you expect me to help you! And for something as sick as this!"

Gendo's face remained firm and stoic. "You have no other choice. You know this. Accept it."

Shinji's eyes became furious, the fire returning to them for a moment before the flame was extinguished, leaving the eyes of the Third Child once again cold and lifeless. "What do you need me to do?"

Gendo smiled. Everything was in place.

( 0 0 0 )

Maya slumped onto her couch, completely exhausted from doing nothing at all. She hated this feeling; the woman was tired and yet had no reason to be. Maya had called in to Ritsuko about an hour ago, telling her superior that she was taking the day off. Surprisingly enough, the blonde woman had had no objections, and Maya had hung up the phone and immediately collapsed onto her bed. Now she was stuck watching TV, as she had been a few days ago, but the circumstances were different. She remembered the last time she had felt this way—she had called Kaworu, and they had spent the evening together, talking. She remembered it fondly, but the nostalgia was bittersweet. Maya cursed herself for remembering the Fifth Child; she had been trying to suppress the memories of the previous night ever since she woke up. The hurt look in his eyes as he had told her the truth was almost unbearable.

The doorbell rang, snapping her from her reverie. Resisting the urge to swear, Maya stood and walked to the door, opening it without looking through the peephole as she usually did. The woman was amazed and somewhat frightened to see a familiar head of gray hair and a pair of red eyes. Kaworu was panting heavily, as if he had run his hardest to get there. He was sweating, and Maya noticed a bandage wrapped around his midsection. _What in the world happened to him?_

"K-Kaworu?" Maya stuttered, still utterly dumbfounded that the young man had suddenly appeared on her doorstep.

"Maya… I'm… sorry," Kaworu panted, his breaths coming faster and shorter. He seemed on the verge of hyperventilating. "I should… have told you… everything… a long… time ago…"

Maya wondered what she was supposed to do. _How can I forgive him for this? He's an Angel! The enemy! _But the look in Kaworu's eyes said that something was different. "Kaworu… why are you bleeding?" she asked, trying to change the subject, avoiding the inevitable heart of the matter.

"Let me… catch my breath… and I'll… explain," he gasped, clutching his midsection in pain. Whatever injury he had, it had still not fully healed, and his trip here had obviously not done him any good.

Maya hesitated for a moment before stepping out of the doorway. _I can't just let him stand out here, _she thought, berating herself for even thinking of doing so. The gray-haired boy staggered inside. She helped him across the living room and onto the couch, where he breathed a deep sigh of relief as he sat down.

"Kaworu, what are you doing here?" asked Maya as she sat next to him on the couch.

"I came here to tell you something," he replied, his breathing rate returning to normal. "Last night, after…"—he paused—"after our confrontation, I started thinking."

The bridge tech decided to humor him. "About what?"

"You."

Maya flinched. "Me? Why me?"

"Because since I came here and met you, it seems to be all I can think about. I was sent here with a purpose… but I don't care about that anymore." Kaworu faced her. "I care about _you, _Maya."

"Wh-what are you trying to say?"

"I did something desperate," Kaworu said, "After you left, I… removed my S2 organ."

Maya gawked at the young man as though seeing him in a new light. She had read about Super Solenoid theory in the course of working on the Evangelion project and had always been under the impression that the Angels needed their cores to survive. "Why would you do that? And how can you still be alive?"

"Why did I do it? I am not entirely sure myself. The only reason I can think of is because I wanted to die."

"Die?"

"Yes. And I felt that way of because of what happened between the two of us. I could not bear the shame of living after what I had done, the guilt of knowing that I had wounded you so deeply. It made me sick to know that I could do such a thing." The words were simply pouring out of Kaworu now, and he had virtually no control over what he said. But what he spoke was the truth.

"But how did you survive?" Maya asked, still curious as to how Kaworu could still be alive after tearing one of his organs out.

"From what Dr. Akagi told me," Kaworu replied, "by removing my core, my genetic structure changed. I am not sure how, but…" He looked at Maya, a small smile on his face.

"I am human."

Maya's eyes widened at this stunning revelation. By all accounts, such a thing was not possible, and yet here was Kaworu telling her that it had indeed happened. "You're not an Angel anymore?"

"No. As Dr. Akagi said, I cut my wings."

"But why?" Maya questioned. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I knew that being an Angel was the one thing that stood in the way of my life… and from me telling you something very important." Kaworu swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat and stared intently into Maya's eyes, gathering every ounce of strength he had.

"I love you."

There was a long silence as Kaworu did nothing but look into Maya's eyes, searching for any kind of reaction, good or bad. His automatic sense of empathy had faded, and it was unnerving the Fifth Child greatly; knowledge of emotions was something he had taken for granted, and he was now wishing he could read the expression on Maya's face. He felt a gentle touch on his cheek as Maya placed her hand upon it, running over Kaworu's lips with her thumb with a contact so gentle it was like the delicate wings of a butterfly, so light that it might disappear at any second. The woman moved closer and pressed her lips against his ever so softly, driving the young man insane with her tender touch and cryptic silence.

She broke the kiss after a moment. "I love you…" she whispered, barely able to hear her own voice. Kaworu, however, heard the three simple words as though she had screamed them into his ears. He kissed her again, longer this time, trying to release every bit of emotion he was feeling at the moment, the intense feelings making his head spin and his heart flutter. Once the kiss was broken, Maya rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I slapped you, Kaworu," she said.

"Don't be. I do not blame you for it."

She kissed his cheek. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Kaworu smiled. Things were turning around.

( 0 0 0 )

Gendo stared down onto the operating table, his expression a slightly altered form of his usual deadened one. A small bit of compassion filtered through, merely because of the woman who occupied the man's thoughts. _Yui, _he thought, almost whispering the name in a moment of weakness that was instantly corrected. _I wish you could see what we're doing, _Gendo thought, staring down at the table from the amphitheater above like a vulture watching a dying cat. _Our son… he's finally of real use to us now._

For a flickering second, the thought that this was wrong crossed Gendo's mind. These ethical arguments did not come up often, and they caught the normally cold-hearted man off guard when they did occur. _This is the way it must be, _he assured himself, his resolve returning.

_But this is your son, _the other small part of him argued. Gendo quashed his doubts as he always did, burying them deep within the recesses of his soul.

The doctors brought out the shimmering red orb, and Gendo's gaze immediately became transfixed upon its perfect crystalline form, unconsciously ignoring the young man on the operating table. _The culmination of our efforts, wrapped up into such a small package. How can something so small carry so much weight in the big scheme of things? _Gendo reminded himself that things were not always as they seemed in Project-E; often it was the smallest things that caused the largest problems. He remembered the computer virus Angel that had nearly destroyed the headquarters from the inside out.

The spherical form of the S2 organ flickered as it was implanted into the body upon the table, and Gendo smiled wickedly. _It is always a good feeling to see a plan come to fruition. _

Down in the operating room below, Ritsuko looked up at him. He met her look of uncertainty with a face that conveyed his usual motto.

The ends justify the means.

The doctors went through a few final procedures before they set the life support systems into effect. It was a security measure, in case the operation had failed. Gendo stood in the amphitheater as they wheeled the still form of the Third Child out through one of the doors. The lights were switched off, but Gendo remained for a few moments, staring at the spot where Shinji had been only moments ago. A thought passed through his mind.

_What if he should fail?_

Gendo left the room without supplying himself with an answer.

( 0 0 0 )

Several hours later, in a different section of NERV's medical center, a pair of red eyes opened.

The doctor's looked down at the figure on the table with a look of apprehension, the crimson gaze of the boy beginning to send chills down their spines. The boy sat up, putting a pale hand to his head and running it through his brown hair as if trying to rid himself of a headache. He looked around the room once more, and finally his eyes found Ritsuko.

"Doctor… are we finished?" he said, the unnaturally calm tone of his voice causing the room's occupants to shudder, as if the temperature had just dropped several degrees.

"Yes, Shinji, we're finished. But we have to keep you here for a while to run some tests to make sure." Ritsuko began ushering the doctors out of the room as she said, "You'd better get some rest."

Shinji nodded, saying nothing, and leaned back upon the pillows once more. He stared at the ceiling for several seconds before his eyes closed again.

Ritsuko shut the lights off in the room, leaving the new Angel alone for the time being and hoping that this would not come back to bite them in the ass.

( 0 0 0 )

The sun fell over the horizon, casting the city into darkness and stealing the feeling of the sun's warmth upon Kaworu's face as he stood upon the balcony of Maya's apartment. He took a moment to look at the sky, hoping in vain to see the stars. Unfortunately, due to the city's bright lights, he saw none. He sighed, the smile still on his face. Nothing as trivial as this could take away the good mood he was in. Kaworu had been out here for the past several minutes, since Maya had fallen asleep on the couch. He had covered her with a blanket he'd found in her closet, and gone outside to watch the sun as it set.

Suddenly, a sharp cold sensation worked its way up Kaworu's spine, ending at the base of his neck and causing him to shudder. _What in the world… _He had experienced this sensation before, but only at specific moments. "The Angels," he thought aloud, his eyes widening with an anxious confusion that frightened the gray-haired boy. "But… I thought _I _was the last one? How could this be?"

He heard Maya stirring within the apartment and immediately silenced himself. _There is no need to worry her. It's probably nothing, anyway. I was the last one; Third Impact and the Seventeenth attack should have been avoided… right? _Somehow, Kaworu was not so sure. He looked back out of the window at the cityscape and its myriad of lights and colors, attempting to take his mind off of the odd sensation that still lingered upon him.

As he stared out t the cityscape, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist, startling him before he realized who it must be that had surprised him. His eyes closed again, a low and satisfied purr resounding in his throat for a moment.

"Are you all right?" he heard Maya say from behind him.

"I'm fine," Kaworu replied.

"You seem tense."

"Something's just troubling me, that is all. It is probably nothing of consequence."

"What is it?" Maya asked, insistent upon knowing what was plaguing the boy's mind.

"I was just wondering… what we're supposed to do now," he said, his tone one of someone trying to remain casual while talking of a serious matter. "Now that I'm not the Seventeenth Angel anymore, I wonder what is supposed to happen."

"Hopefully nothing," Maya said. "I guess we just go about our lives now."

"I hope so too," he said, resting a hand on her forearm. "But something tells me this isn't entirely over yet."

( 0 0 0 )

The lights of the office went black as Gendo flicked the switch on his way out, securing the automatic door behind him and strolling down the dimly lit hallway that led to the exit of NERV. While the older man spent most of his time in the complex, he _did _actually have a place to call "home," if one could apply that title to the place that Gendo only went to sleep. He walked with his usual determined stride down the corridor but blinked when he saw a small disturbance in the shadows. Not normally one to disregard anything that could even remotely be considered a threat, it was unusual that the older man merely shrugged and kept walking. Again, he saw it: a flicker, as if something were moving in the darkness. Slowly, so as not to attract the attention of his attacker, Gendo reached for the hidden handgun in the holster on his belt, obscured by his long overcoat-like shirt. "Show yourself," he said calmly, indicating that he knew perfectly well that he was being watched.

A young man stepped from the shadows, his red eyes glinting menacingly and the minimal light from the overhead fixtures reflecting off of his pale brown hair, which had been getting lighter ever since he rose from the operating table mere hours ago. Soon it would be white as snow. The young man stared down the Commander with an empty face, eerie in its complete lack of emotion.

"Third Child," Gendo said, lowering his pistol slightly, "what are you doing here?"

Shinji's unfaltering gaze continued to penetrate to man. "I am here to attack."

"No."

They stared at each other for a moment before Gendo said, "You will not act until you are given an order, Third Child. Return to the barracks at once."

Shinji did not move from his spot. Rather, he raised a hand, his flattened palm facing Gendo. The man drew his pistol and fired a shot, the bullet ricocheting and hitting one of the hallway lamps, shattering the fixture and causing it to spew sparks. Gendo readied his arm to fire a second shot, but Shinji was quicker. Gendo watched as Shinji clamped his fist, and the orange light fluctuated, and the man felt his neck being crushed under the enormous force that the boy was putting on him.

"I do not need your orders, old man," Shinji said, his voice even and deadly. "Your scenario means very, very little to me. I shall do as I wish. And I see no reason to allow this pathetic waste of a species to survive any longer."

Gendo could not speak. Only a minimal amount of air was entering his lungs, and it was not enough to form words with.

"You have lived long enough, human; you and the rest of this disgusting race have been a bane upon the Earth long enough."

Gendo's eyes widened as a realization struck him: the Third Child, his new Angel… was completely out of his control. He raised his arm again, attempting to fire the pistol, but the Angel reacted faster, grabbing his arm by the wrist and diverting the firearm. Shinji twisted, and a sickening crack resounded as Gendo's entire arm shattered under the strain.

"I will say hello to Mother for you," Shinji said.

Gendo's eyes widened even more.

Shinji clamped down one final time, and the man's neck snapped. Shinji let the limp form of Gendo Ikari fall to the floor, stepping over him and continuing down the hall toward the Eva cages.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu and Maya rushed through the doors to the bridge, the klaxons blaring in the background to signal the moment that NERV had been waiting for and the one that Kaworu and Maya had thought impossible: the attack of the Seventeenth Angel. Misato looked at Kaworu. "Get to the cages as quickly as possible, Nagisa. We have to launch Unit 02 immediately."

The tone of Misato's voice gave Kaworu an even greater sense of unease about the situation. "Major, what is the target?" he asked, wishing to know the answer to the dilemma that had had been running over in his mind since they had left Maya's apartment.

Misato's voice was grave as she replied, "Shinji."

Kaworu's red eyes widened with fear and surprise. "H-How…"

"I don't have time to explain!" Misato said, her eyes threatening to shed tears. "Get to the cages and stop him!"

Kaworu nodded. "Yes, ma'am." He gave Maya a warm smile before he darted down the hallway toward the Eva cages, not bothering to change into his plug suit. _How could this be? Shinji is the Seventeenth Angel? It doesn't seem possible! _The young man turned the corner and headed for the Entry Plug, which he jumped inside, clamping his hands around the control yokes.

_No powers this time, _Kaworu thought to himself as the Entry Plug was loaded into the socket attached to the Eva's back. _I have to do this all on my own._

He shut his eyes, reaching out to the Eva as he had before and, miraculously, finding it remarkably easy. Almost as easy as it had been before, when he had simply dominated the Eva's mind. _Apparently some of my abilities remained somewhat intact, if not completely. _The restraints were released, and Kaworu moved onto the elevator that would lead him down to Terminal Dogma.

_I assume that Shinji must have commandeered Unit 01 for this, _Kaworu thought, thinking back to his original plan for when he had come here. _I would have taken Unit 02; it seems we think alike._

_I was right, _Kaworu thought grimly as he spotted a bright white shimmer and a purple speck in the darkness of the massive opening to Dogma. _I was born to meet you, Shinji._

_But I didn't want things to turn out like this._

The young man, who was standing atop Unit 01's shoulder, turned his head and looked Kaworu in the eyes, even through the husk of the Eva's body. "It is about time you arrived, Nagisa. I was wondering if you were even going to attempt to stop me."

"Shinji, what are you doing?" Kaworu shouted, losing control of his emotions in a way he had never thought possible.

"I am doing what someone should have done a long time ago."

"What? Destroying humanity! You can't!"

"Why not?" Shinji said levelly, a tone of mild indignation in his voice. "You of all people should know why this needs to be done!"

Unit 01's hands lashed out at Kaworu, and the young pilot barely managed to deflect them in time, grappling with the purple behemoth as they tumbled down into oblivion's depths. Kaworu could feel the enormous amount of anger that the boy was pouring into the Eva's soul, filling it with an unquenchable rage that enhanced its strength greatly As the two titans fought, Shinji floated calmly alongside them, watching the battle with an air of confidence radiating from him.

"Humanity has tortured this planet long enough, Nagisa," Shinji said, his red eyes glinting in his own mysterious aura.

"Tortured? What are you talking about?"

"You know the scriptures far better than I do, and even I know that humanity should have fallen from grace a long time ago."

"That is not for us to decide!" Kaworu cried, deflecting another attack from Unit 01.

"Is it? Who says that the superior race should not determine the fate of those beneath it? You should have known this… Tabris."

Kaworu's eyes widened, and Shinji could sense his surprise. "Yes, I can see it in you, you know. We are bound by blood now, you and I."

"What are you… oh no," Kaworu said, realization now starting to come to him. "It can't be…"

"Oh, but it is," Shinji said, a small smile passing across his lips. "I carry the core that once resided in you. I can sense it; the presence of the core… it was yours. I can feel it now that you are close once again."

"But _why_?" Kaworu said.

"Because I have tolerated humanity long enough. They have done nothing but shun me, beat me down, and deny me what I deserved! Now I am above all of that! I am a higher being, just as you were!"

"But that does not give you the right to destroy the lives of others, Shinji!"

"DO NOT CALL ME BY THAT NAME!"

Both Evas simultaneously deployed their Progressive Knives, drew them in a flash, and slashed out at their opponent. The blades contacted, sending sparks flying, a hideous screeching noise now filling the air around them. Kaworu pushed as hard as he could, and the contact was broken, and the vibrating weapon also deflected his next slash.

"That name applies to the human, what I _used _to be! I am human and weak no longer!" Shinji was vehement now, his air of calm shattered like a frail windowpane. Kaworu remembered the words he had spoken to the young man not too long ago. _Your heart is fragile, like glass._

And now, the glass had been shattered.

"Unlike you," Shinji went on, "who gave up all that power and a chance to do something great. Why did you do it? Why descend to the level of these… these human scum?"

Maya's face appeared in Kaworu's mind for a split second. "You could never understand."

"You are indeed foolish, Tabris."

"Just as you claim you are no longer Shinji, I am no longer Tabris," the young man said coldly. "I am Kaworu Nagisa. And mark my words, I will stop you."

Shinji grinned. "You can try."

The two Evas slammed into the ground, an icy sheet crumbling beneath them. White spires jutted from the ground's surface, dotting the eerie landscape that drifted off into the black void of Dogma. The impact shook Kaworu, who quickly looked around for Shinji. He saw the boy floating toward Heaven's Door and almost panicked. He leapt to his feet but felt his ankle catch on something. Turning, Kaworu could see the form of Unit 01 gripping his foot tightly, its feral gaze fixed upon him. Kaworu lunged, falling on top of the purple Eva and causing both of them to roll a good distance. He heard Heaven's Door opening in the background and did his best to speed his efforts. Grabbing Unit 01's wrist, he slammed the hand with the Knife in it to the ground, pinning the enemy Eva's only means of attack. He brought his hand up and delved his own Progressive Knife downward, through the fortified armor plates and into the monster's skull. It shook violently, and the restraints around its mouth snapped open, an ungodly roar erupting from its gaping maw.

Kaworu brought the Knife up and stabbed Unit 01 again, penetrating the spinal column and finally rendering the beast motionless.

Without a second thought, Kaworu bolted, running toward the now-open doors at the end of the corridor. He ran through the doors, his hand lashing out and clasping around Shinji's form. Kaworu could feel another presence in the room, but it interested him little. Right now, stopping Shinji was all that mattered.

"Let me go!" Shinji cried, thrashing violently in the red Eva's grip.

"I cannot."

"But why? How can you not see what I am trying to do! I thought you would see!"

"I do see. But I also see where you are wrong."

Shinji gazed at Unit 02, and Kaworu could feel his opponent's eyes boring into his own. "How? How could I be wrong?"

"You are right, of course; humanity does have its flaws. But that is not all that there is. There are many things about mankind that are worth defending, worth living for."

"I don't understand! How can you say that about a race that would have despised you, had you not become one of them?"

Kaworu looked at Shinji's face on the monitor. "Because I experienced it firsthand. I saw what I needed to see, and I found my reason. A purpose."

"Your purpose was to do what I am doing now!"

"No," Kaworu said. "That was not my purpose. That was the goal I had been given. But I was destined for more."

Shinji said nothing.

Kaworu sighed. "I cannot allow you to do this. I cannot simply sit back and watch as you destroy what I have just now discovered."

The boy in the Eva's fist averted his gaze, looking upward and closing his eyes. "Do what you must. But I still think you are wrong, Kaworu. You will see in time that destruction of your precious race is inevitable."

There was a long, long silence, in which Kaworu stared at the boy in his grasp. _I hate to do this to you, Shinji, _he thought. _I had hoped that we could be friends._

Kaworu closed his eyes… and clenched his fist. He heard and felt nothing except the dull ache in his heart.

Now it truly was over.

( 0 0 0 )

The debriefing had taken only ten minutes, but it felt like an eternity to everyone in the room, especially to Kaworu. The only one who spoke was Ritsuko, giving technical data that even she was not paying attention to. Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, who had been with them since the beginning of the Angels' attacks, was now reduced to nothingness. Gendo Ikari's body was discovered shortly after the alarms had been deactivated, causing a considerable stir among the employees. Had Shinji killed his own father? It stood to reason that this was the case, considering the unusual set of circumstances surrounding Shinji's sudden manifestation as the Seventeenth Angel. Only a few in the room knew the truth, still refusing to believe it despite what had just happened.

Finally, Ritsuko coughed lightly, getting the attention of everyone in the room. "Everyone… that's all. Dismissed."

The technicians, the pilots, and the other crewmembers filed out of the room silently, not a sound among them but the squeaking of chairs as they scraped across the tile floor. The procession was eerie, a funeral before the funeral in a sense.

The most somber among them was Kaworu, his head hung as he walked the corridors alone, heading toward his barracks soundlessly, a specter traversing the vast hallways. His red eyes were dulled, none of their usual playful luster behind them. The mischievous smirk that was usually on his lips was gone, replaced by a straight, emotionless line.

Anyone who saw him at that moment would have no doubts that he and Ayanami were related, even if only remotely.

As he reached the door to his bunk and opened it, he heard footsteps behind him. He did not turn or react until he felt a pair of arms encircle his waist, much like they had only a few hours before. A few hours… but it felt like a lifetime since he had felt Maya's touch.

"Are you all right?" she asked after a few moments of embracing him silently, her head resting between his shoulder blades.

There was a long silence, and he responded, "…No."

"I didn't expect you to be. I'm so sorry, Kaworu."

"I just… I know some part of this was my fault."

"What do you mean?" Maya asked, looking at the back of the young man's head.

"When I fought him," Kaworu said, fighting to maintain control of his emotions as he spoke, "I could sense myself in him. A part of me was inside of Shinji. He said it… but the words meant little until I felt that presence. He was carrying my S2 organ."

Kaworu turned, and Maya gasped as she saw the boy's eyes filled with tears that refused to fall. "It was I… in a way… who made him what he was."

For a while, they said nothing. A glint of light traced its way down Kaworu's pale cheek, his eyes now slightly puffy. Once the droplet fell, it hit the ground lightly, making no sound at all. And in a flash, he was normal again, the tears no longer in his eyes.

"I don't…" he started but stopped himself.

"What is it?" Maya asked, the young man's tone making her feel concerned. She had only seen him like this twice, but it was still unnerving to see him in such a position.

"I don't… want to be alone right now." He looked at her, as though pleading for forgiveness. She said nothing, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek and leading him into the barracks.

( 0 0 0 )

Many miles from Tokyo-3, in a deep underground bunker, a red light flashed upon a heavy oak desk. The man behind it smiled, realizing what the flashing light meant. He depressed a button on a control panel and waited. The summons apparently reached its mark, as a collection of familiar black rectangles appeared in the vast expanse of the office. Though they had no faces, the man could sense the anticipation that lingered in the room. His old, croaking voice resonated with the strength of a legion and the conviction of many, sending involuntary shivers down the spines of his colleagues.

"It is time," Keel said, smiling.

The Seventeenth had failed. Now, the final measures were in motion.

There would be nothing to stop them now.

Author's Notes: I apologize for the ENORMOUS delay between chapters three and four of this story, first of all. Other things have been eating into my writing time, but I'm trying as hard as I can to get this story wrapped up so I can move on.

Prereading credit goes, as usual, to Scout and That Other Guy. Thanks! Chapter 5 will be the final installment of _Wish I Had an Angel. _Please have patience with me.


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